Lifeline
by Calling to Say Goodbye
Summary: "Rick was glad he was there to help Kate through it. He wondered if Jim would be stepping up if he wasn't here, and Kate had no one else to rely on, if it was just the two of them living in this bubble of grief." An AU Caskett story, which explores what could have been if Kate Beckett had met Richard Castle back when he was Ricky Rodgers, before her mother was brutally murdered.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello!**

 **I was blown away by the reception to my one shot "Her Mantra," what a lovely welcome back to this site!**

 **So, this is my first multi-chapter story. It is totally AU, and as such the following changes have been made:**

 **1\. The age gap between Kate and Rick.**

 **2\. There is no Meredith, and therefore no Alexis. I'm sorry if people don't like this, but I had to do it for this story to work.**

 **Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!**

 **Disclaimer: Not mine!**

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

This was a stupid, idiotic idea. Just plain ridiculous. To make it even worse, for the first time since she had met him, the trouble she was about to get herself into was not his idea, but hers. They had found out about the baby 1 month ago, when she had already been 8 weeks along. The pregnancy had not been planned, but after a lot of discussion, Kate and Rick decided that they could make it work. Despite their age, and the fact they were both in college, they were now very excited about the prospect of a bringing a little person into the world who was the perfect mix of two of them.

So, that is how Kate found herself stood outside the door of her parent's apartment, ready to tell them that in 6 months time they would be grandparents. And Kate had had the genius idea of having this conversation with them on her 19th birthday. She felt sick, and she knew that for the first time in weeks it had nothing to do with the so called 'morning sickness' that had tormented her for the last month.

"I can't do this." She whispered. Kate moved her eyes from her parent's door as she looked into the eyes of her boyfriend. "I don't even know how I'd start."

"We don't have to do it today, Kate. We can tell them whenever you want to tell them." He reached for her hand and squeezed it. He truly had been amazing since the pregnancy test came up positive. Willing to do whatever she wanted, but clearly hoping from the beginning that she would make the decision to keep the baby. It never ceased to amaze her how much this man wanted her to be happy.

"No, we should do it. We barely see them anyway and this is definitely a conversation that we shouldn't have over the phone." She responded softly.

To make this even harder, her dad really disliked Rick, and had done ever since she started dating him when she was 16. Initially the problem had been the age difference - the three years making her father's blood boil - but had transformed into Jim hating pretty much everything about this kind, sweet man who she was sharing her life with. This had been made worse when she made the decision to stay in New York for college, instead of going to Stanford like she had originally planned. She had also moved in with Rick rather than into the dorms like her parents had wanted.

Kate could still picture the look on her father's face the day she moved out of the family home, into the apartment her and Rick had found.

 _"_ _Why are you throwing your future away over that boy, Katie? You could do so much more with your life."_

 _"_ _I'm not throwing my future away. Columbia is a good school. And I love him, Dad. I really do. I'll never know if this will work if I don't try it."_

The conversation had gone no further, and she had not seen her dad since she moved out back in August. She had seen her mother though, who frequently came to their apartment at lunch time if Kate didn't have class. Johanna was actually rather fond of Rick, and encouraged him with his hopes of becoming a writer.

The tension in the Beckett's marriage that their differing opinions about Rick caused was no longer spoken about. After a long series of full blown arguments with her dad when she first started to date Rick, with her mother mediating, it just became the norm. Rick was a trooper though, and accepted her fathers indifference and glares as par for the course on the odd occasion they all got together.

 _"You're worth it."_ He'd reply if she ever asked why he put up with it. She just hoped he'd always think so.

That is why she had decided today was the day to tell them, even if it would put a damper on her birthday celebrations, because the next time she saw them would probably the following month at Christmas and by then she'd be showing a little.

She would typically go out for dinner with her parents for her birthday, and since Rick came into her life he had come along too. Kate had realised that a restaurant probably was not the best venue for the discussion she was dreading to have. She had spoken to her mom, and under the guise of missing her famous Chicken Parmesan, had arranged for the meal to be at her parents apartment.

"Did you bring your key?" His question pulled her out of her train of thought. She looked at him and nodded as she reached into her purse to pull out her keys. She moved the key into the door, and sighed as she turned the lock.

"Here goes nothing."

* * *

If either of her parents had noticed her anxiety, they hadn't said anything. Dinner had been delicious, and Kate was pleased that her unborn child didn't seem to have a problem with her mothers cooking like they did with everything else she had attempted to eat recently.

Kate had a particularly close call during a lecture the week before where another student had felt the need to eat a burrito whilst the professor was talking. She flew out the door the second the lecture ended, and promptly threw up in the closest bathroom. She already loved her child fiercely, but the almost constant vomiting was getting old.

They had finished eating, and were now sat at the kitchen table exchanging small talk. Her mom asked what Rick had got her for her birthday. A question which she had answered, although she omitted the gift of a "I Love my Mommy" onesie that had made her eyes well up as she held it in her hands.

Ok, so maybe the hormones were getting old already too.

The conversation throughout the meal had mostly been comfortable, although there had been awkward moments. She hated that her relationship with her parents had become like this. They used to be so close, but for a reason she just didn't understand her father could not accept Rick - even though they had been together for nearly 3 years. It briefly occurred to Kate that she might understand one day, if the child she was carrying dated someone she disliked, but she so desperately wanted to believe whatever makes her child happy would make her happy.

"Are you ok, Katie?" Johanna enquired, "You're awfully quiet this evening!"

"I'm ok, Mom. Just tired." She looked to Rick, who gave her an encouraging look. Kate faltered slightly, the false smile she had put on for her mother falling off her face, she grabbed Rick's hand from under the kitchen table, and started again. "Actually, there is something that we need to tell you."

Both of her parents straightened in their seats, instantly noticing the seriousness in their daughters voice.

"What's going on? Jim asked, his voice stern. He looked back and forth between the two young people sat opposite him. Kate wouldn't meet his eyes, and looked down at the table as if it was suddenly very interesting. Realisation set in, and he put his head in his hands. "Oh no Katie, please don't tell me-"

"I'm pregnant." She interrupted, wanting to say it before her father could finish his sentence. The way both her parents looked at her broke her heart, and she knew that all of her concerns about this were about to be founded. Neither of them spoke, and just kept staring, so she continued speaking.

"We didn't plan it, obviously, but we've spoken about it a lot and decided we can do this," she almost pleaded, begging them to understand. She looked at Rick who squeezed her hand in support.

"We know it won't be easy," Rick added, trying to support his girlfriend where he could. Jim Beckett scoffed at his statement, and stood up. His chair scraped loudly against the floor, and it only seemed to highlight the shocked silence that Johanna was still in.

"How could you both be so stupid?" Jim raged, "You've just ruined your lives, and for what? 10 minutes of fun? I knew something like this would happen." Jim stood there, looking at them like he expected one of them to answer, although he carried on before they could. "I never should have let you move in with him."

"You didn't let me do anything!" Kate shouted back, his angry words finally drawing a reaction out of her. "We took precaution, Dad. We were being safe, and this still happened."

"Oh don't give me that, Katie."

"Dad, I've been having sex with Rick since I was 16. Don't you think if I didn't know how birth control worked this would have happened a long time ago?"

"Katherine!" Her mother exclaimed, her daughters admission about her sex life apparently pulling her out of her silence. Johanna looked between her husband, who was still stood up, and her daughter, and she knew she could easily loose control over this situation if she didn't act fast. "Jim, sit down. We need to talk about this like adults." Her husband relented, and took his seat back next to her, and he fixed his glare on Rick, who had now put his arm around the shoulder of his distressed girlfriend.

"Good," Johanna continued. "Now Katie, Rick, please carry on."

"I'm 3 months along. Basically I had an ear infection a few months back and I was prescribed antibiotics. They made my birth control ineffective." Her dad looked horrified, still at the mere idea of her being sexually active, so she decided to steer the conversation in another direction.

"We had our 12 week scan last week. I have a copy of the scan with me," She said as she grabbed her purse off the floor, she rooted through her bag and pulled out a square photo. She placed it on the table and pushed it towards her parents. "I'm due May 23rd, so after final exams have finished."

"How are you going to do this? What are your plans?" Johanna asked.

"I've been taking extra classes the last two years, so I'm due to graduate the week before the baby is due," Rick replied. "I'm still working at the Public Library as often as possible to get money."

"So, once school starts up again next Fall, I'll go back and Rick will look after the baby whilst I have class, and he'll work when I'm home. Martha has already said she'd baby sit whenever we needed it if my classes clashed with his shifts."

"Wait, you already told Martha?" Johanna asked, the hurt quite clear in her voice.

"We see her more often, plus it became quite clear something wasn't right when I threw up at the smell of her perfume a couple of weeks ago," Kate tried to joke, in a poor attempt to lighten the mood.

"This is all your fault." Jim's comment seemed to come out of no where, and was clearly aimed at Rick.

"Dad-"

"No, Katie. I won't have it. Before you met him you had such solid plans for your future, and now you're going to be a teenage mother! Do you really think that you'll be able to handle being in college and having a baby? You're supposed to be smart, Katie, not some dumb girl who gets pregnant to her no good boyfriend." He got angrier with each word, practically spitting them out as he got to the end.

"That's not fair, Dad." Her voice cracked, and she knew she was on the verge of tears. She didn't want to cry here though. She didn't want him to make her doubt the decisions she was so sure of when they started this conversation.

Jim sighed dismissively, and got up from the table.

"I need a drink." He mumbled, before walking into the kitchen area to get a whiskey.

"Katie," her mother drew her attention back to her, "Have you considered your options?"

"Yes," She replied, wiping the tears that had fallen off her cheeks. "We talked about it, but I found I just couldn't do it. I want this baby. So much. We'll make it work, you have to believe me." Kate knew she was being optimistic, which was out of character, but at this point she felt she had no choice.

"I'll look after them, Johanna. I promise." Rick pulled his girlfriend tighter to him. "Even if it means working day and night, I'll do it. I love them both." It was impossible to miss the loud scoff from Jim's direction, so in an unusual act of defiance, Rick added something which he knew would irritate the older man in the room.

"In fact I'd marry her tomorrow if she didn't insist she didn't need a ring on her finger just because we're having a baby."

It had the effect he wanted on the room. Kate seemed outraged, but only in the way she ever was with him. She looked at him with indignation in her eyes and slapped him lightly on the chest. Johanna laughed once, but quite loudly, and Jim slammed his tumbler of whiskey on the counter where he stood.

"That somehow doesn't surprise me in the slightest," Johanna retorted, smiling at the couple in front of her. For a moment, the atmosphere mostly lifted, and Kate felt like this could all work out. Until her father spoke again.

"Well, don't expect to come to us for money when this all goes wrong or when he leaves you." He knocked back another sip of whiskey, and Kate couldn't help but wonder just how many he'd had this evening. Her father was typically a kind, gentle man. He did like to drink sometimes though, and it made him say hurtful things if he was in a bad mood.

Tonight, apparently, was no exception.

"I can assure you, that is not going to happen." Rich grit out through his teeth. He wanted so badly to say to Jim what he had always wanted to, but Kate's love for her father stopped him. Rick would do anything to make her happy.

"Do you honestly think that the Library is going to pay enough for you to raise a child?" Jim questioned, "Or are you still relying on your childish fantasy that somebody is going to publish your terrible manuscripts?"

Kate had officially had enough.

"We're leaving." She said as she stood, pulling Rick with her by his hand. "This clearly isn't going anywhere, and we should probably continue this on a day when someone isn't going to say something they will regret." Kate went around the table and hugged Johanna, and purposely missed her father on her way back round to Rick. "Thank you for dinner, Mom. It was delicious and was just about the only meal I've been able to keep down in weeks." She looked to her dad, who was making no attempt to stop them from leaving.

"Call us when you are ready to talk about this properly. We are having this baby, there is nothing you can say to change our minds." Her mother gestured towards the sonogram photo left on the table. "Keep it. We got an extra copy for you."

Rick smiled at his girlfriends parents as Kate moved past him to the door.

"Thank you," he said simply. For the first time in his life, Rick found himself lost for words. He pulled the door closed behind him, leaving Jim and Johanna slightly dumfounded on the other side of the door.

He turned around, and was instantly engulfed in a hug by his girlfriend. She buried her head in his neck, standing on her tip toes so she could hold him in the way that he knew gave her the most comfort. He returned the hug as tightly as she was holding him.

"It could have gone worse." He offered quietly, into her ear. She scoffed in response, and pulled away from him so she could look at him.

"How?"

"Well, they could have thrown us out," He linked his arm through hers and started to lead her through the corridor away from the Beckett's apartment, "They could have killed me and hidden my body and then sent you to a nunnery." He got the reaction he wanted, which was a laugh.

"Just take me home, Rick," she held onto his arm tighter, and rested her head against his shoulder. "I want to have a shower and go to bed."

"Need company in that shower?"

"Of course." She smiled at him, her first true smile since she entered her parents apartment a few hours earlier.

Things weren't going to be easy, but he made her believe they would get through this.

* * *

"So," Johanna exclaimed as she was washing dishes, making a little more noise with the cutlery than strictly necessary. "Do you want to tell me what that was all about?" She asked her husband.

"What? You can't possibly be ok with this."

"Is it what I always dreamed for her? No." Johanna stated, she stopped what she was doing and turned to look at her husband. "But, what I have always wanted for her was for her to find someone who loves her as much as that young man does. Jim, they are having this baby whether we like it or not, so we have to be ok with their choices." She almost pleaded with him, wanting him to see it from her point of view.

"That's it then? We are just going to accept that our daughter is going to be a mother before she's in her 20s?"

"We are going to learn to live with it. But I tell you now Jim, we are going to have a proper conversation with them about this. Because nobody on this planet is going to keep me from loving my grandchild." The house phone rang before she could continue with her tirade. "That will be the office." She said as she moved towards the phone.

"At this time of night?" He queried.

"It's about a case I'm investigating. Nothing worth boring you with." She took a step back towards him to kiss him on the cheek, before heading for the study to answer the phone.

* * *

"What do you think they'll look like?" Kate asked quietly. They were lying in bed, her cuddled up to him with her head on his chest. He had his arms around her, and had pulled the covers over them to protect them from the chill in the November air.

"Who? The baby?" His answer was the feel of her nodding her head. "Like you, I hope. He or she will be a heartbreaker from the start." He smiled at the idea of their child, still so small inside of his girlfriend. The idea of being a father terrified him, but he was so excited.

"They should have your eyes though, love your eyes." He could tell she was getting sleepy, and he ran his hand up and down her back in an attempt to lull her into sleep.

"I think that's up to you, dear. You're the one making the baby." He joked.

"I'm fairly sure DNA plays a major part in it, but I'll get working on it."

"Even when you are half asleep you have to correct me." He pressed a kiss into the top of her head.

"Get used to it, babe. I'll be doing it for the rest of our lives."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

* * *

 **I hope you liked it and want to read more! Chapter 2 is already in progress. Please review and let me know if it is worth carrying on.**

 **Just to clarify a couple of things. This chapter was set in November 1998, which means that characters are only a couple of months away from Johanna's murder. This will happen in this story. I've written this as an exploration of what Kate's life could have been like when she had no choice but to ignore the obsession that has driven her life in the canon storylines. Plus, I always enjoy stories where she met Rick when they were young. So that is how this was born!**

 **I know that Jim in particular might be slightly out of character. However, remember that Kate said in the show that he had been unhappy when she moved in with her first boyfriend. I was just trying to channel that!**

 **Please leave a review :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello!**

 **Here's the second chapter to Lifeline. Hope you enjoy it!**

 **Disclaimer: Nope.**

* * *

 **Chapter 2**

"I don't look pregnant in this, do I?" Kate asked as she turned to her boyfriend. She pulled the plain white t-shirt she was wearing down a little, and sighed with frustration when it, once again, seemed to cling to her stomach.

"I hate to break it to you, Kate, but you are pregnant." He quipped without even turning to her. Her response was to throw another shirt from the dresser at him. It hit him in the back of the head, which did get him to turn around.

Damn she had good aim.

"Not the time for humour, Rick. Answer the question."

Rick considered his girlfriend, and looked at the material of her soft shirt, which was ever so slightly tighter than usual around her abdomen. Kate had an incredible body, and he prided himself on having mapped out every inch of her perfectly over their relationship. The answer to the question was that no, to anyone else but him she wouldn't look pregnant. The difficulty of course, was answering that question without getting more things thrown at him by his girlfriend.

He knew that the combination of her hormones, and the anger she was still feeling towards her father, meant the she was not above starting to throwing things from on top of the dresser at him.

"I'm not sure how to answer that." He decided the truth was probably his best bet.

"Great. So I do." She moved her hands to the bottom of the shirt in an attempt to take it off. Rick moved towards her, only a few steps necessary to make it across their moderately sized bedroom, and stopped her movement just as the shirt rose above her belly button.

"What I meant is, yes you look pregnant to me," she looked up at him, their height difference made more obvious by the fact she was barefoot. It was cute, but did not, however, detract from the terrifying glare she was giving him that said if he didn't finish his sentence in the next few seconds she might do more than throw an ornament from the dresser at him. "But that's only because I know you so well. Seriously, Kate. I've been worshipping your body for years."

"Nice save." She said flatly, clearly not believing him. He linked his fingers with hers, and loosened one of her hands grip on her shirt, leaving the other holding it in its position.

"I mean it Kate," He reassured. He placed her hand on her stomach, and his hand over hers. "Yes, your body is changing, and I'm already enjoying watching it happen. So, I have noticed that your shirts are getting a little tighter."

He leant down and kissed her, which she returned gladly. A sure sign she was coming round to his way of looking at things.

"Of course, if your really question is will Maddie notice you are pregnant when you meet her for lunch later in between classes, then I can guarantee you she won't. Until you tell her of course."

"You guarantee me, huh?" She moved her arms away from her abdomen, and linked her hands around his neck.

"Yes. She'll probably just think you've put a bit of weight on. Freshman's 15 and all that."

He at least had the dignity to look sorry when she moved her hand to pinch his ear.

* * *

"What time will you be home later?" He inquired as she moved through their living room to find her shoes.

"Around 6, I think? I have class all morning, then I'm meeting Maddie. A have another class in the afternoon, and I'm planning on going to the campus library to study for a bit after." She sat on the sofa to tie up her shoes, already exhausting thinking about the day ahead. "How about you?"

"I have a meeting about my thesis, then class until the late afternoon. Then I've got a shift at the Library. I'm hoping to try and drop off manuscripts at a couple of publishers between all of that. So maybe 10." He moved towards her and placed her take out cup of herbal tea on the coffee table in front of her. He sat next to her as she finished tying her shoes.

"We're going to go all day without seeing each other? Again?" She hated herself for pouting a bit. Kate Beckett didn't pout. Kate Beckett did however, like to spend time with her boyfriend from time to time. She placed her feet back on the floor and placed her head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, I hate it too. I'm just trying to pick up as many shifts as possible so we can buy stuff for the baby."

"I know." She lifted her head and kissed him lightly. "It just sucks. I know I shouldn't complain, how many girls my age in this position would have a boyfriend who is so supportive? I just miss you. Even though we live together." She felt embarrassed by that admission, and her cheeks flushed a little.

"I miss you too. I'm not working this weekend though, maybe we should put Sunday aside to just spend the day together. No family, no friends, no papers or thesis. Just you and me." He gently moved a lock of her hair behind her ear.

"That sounds perfect," She leant in and kissed him gently, "I'll see you later." She picked up her tea and got up, "I'll try and stay up later to see you when you get home. I can't promise you anything though, your child seems to like sleep even more than you do."

* * *

"KBex!" Maddie practically screamed, her enthusiasm had clearly not been dampened by the stress of college. "How are you?" She pulled Kate into a quick hug before settling back down into her seat at the table.

"Hi Maddie, I'm good. How are you?" She removed her coat and put it around the back of her chair before sitting down. Maddie still hadn't answered her, and she looked up at her friend who was staring back at her in shock. "You ok, Mads?"

"Oh my god. Kate Beckett - are you pregnant?" Her voice, if possible, had gone up even more decibels.

She was going to _kill_ Rick.

* * *

By the time Kate entered the apartment again just past 6pm she was exhausted. She'd always that that, in her somewhat limited contact with pregnant women, they had been over-exaggerating. She found now, even at this early stage of her second trimester, she felt like the walking dead. Kate dropped her keys into the small bowl on the table near the door, and her bag stuffed full of textbooks on the floor rather unceremoniously. She made sure it was in a place that Rick wouldn't trip over when he came home later, but she just couldn't find the energy to take all the way to the bedroom.

Kate looked around the her apartment and smiled to herself. They'd been living here for around four months now, and somehow it felt every bit like home. The living area and kitchen were open plan, which meant that they had spent many evenings with him insisting she put her feet up whilst he cooked dinner, claiming that her sitting there and keeping him entertained still counted as helping.

The furniture was all mismatched, different items they'd picked up from second hand shops, but she liked the feel it gave the place. The coffee table and the small dining table were made of different woods, and there weren't two matching chairs in the whole apartment. The television was Rick's from his mother's place, and whilst it wasn't the most modern of models it did the job.

The only two brand new items were the couch in the living room, a gift from Martha that Kate wasn't entirely sure she could afford - although she found herself grateful whenever she settled into its soft green material. The other piece of new furniture had been the bed in their bedroom. Rick had found the idea of sleeping in a second hand bed 'creepy,' something that Kate couldn't quite get her head around. Although, once the bed had been delivered she was glad of her boyfriends mistrust of a pre-owned bed. It was comfortable, and although it had cost them just about half of what their monthly rent did she was glad for it now. She dreaded to think how uncomfortable she would be by the end of her pregnancy, so she was happy for the small mercy of the bed she had dubbed as 'too large' for the size of their room.

Kate sighed to herself and scrubbed her hands over her face. A nap. That's what she needed. She moved over to the couch and laid down, pulling the blanket draped over the back cushions down onto herself.

"Just 30 minutes." She whispered to herself, already drifting off.

* * *

Rick was later home than he had expected, much closer to 11pm than 10pm. He'd had a bad day, starting with his meeting regarding his thesis, and ending with a particularly snotty woman who had irked him in just the wrong way during his shift. He was exhausted, and all he wanted to do was make something quick to eat and then go to sleep.

As he moved towards the kitchen, going over a mental inventory of the food they had in their cupboards, he heard a soft snore coming from the couch. He smiled as he looked over the top of the couch to see his girlfriend fast asleep nestled under a blanket. He moved his eyes over her, and saw that her shoes were still on - which was a strong indication that she had fallen asleep within minutes of getting home several hours ago and had not woken up yet. Which in turn meant that she had not eaten anything this evening.

Look's like he's cooking for two then.

He moved round and crouched down next to her head, he gently moved some hair that had fallen over her cheek.

"Kate, wake up." He gently prompted. She was a light sleeper, even in the exhaustion he knew she felt at the moment, so she stirred almost immediately.

"What time is it?" She slurred. One of her hands moved from under her blanket to rub the last remnants of sleep from her eyes.

"Close to 11." He said tenderly, pulling back from her as she moved to sit up.

"Oh God. Your child is ruining me. I only meant to sleep for half an hour. I haven't even eaten." As if to punctuate the end of her sentence, her stomach let out an almighty growl. They both laughed at the sound, and he pressed a kiss on her forehead before moving towards the kitchen.

* * *

"Thank you for agreeing to meet me, Katie." Her father said as she slid into the booth opposite him. This had always been their thing, since she had been quite little. He'd take her to a diner, just the two of them, and let her eat whatever she wanted. "I wasn't sure you would."

"If I'm honest, Dad. Neither did I." Her retort seemed to physically knock him back a little, but she fought hard to keep her resolve as she shrugged out of her coat. "Rick convinced me that I should hear you out though."

"I am sorry, Katie. I know that some of the things I said were hurtful. I was just in shock." His fingers curled around his cup of coffee, and she studied the look on his face. He did look remorseful, but Kate had a feeling that it wasn't going to be that easy. "I just want to stop you from making a mistake." Kate's reply, already surging with a little anger, was disrupted by the arrival of the waitress.

"Anything I can get you?" She directed at Kate.

"Yes please, just a coffee. Decaf." She smiled at the girl, trying to not give away the tension of the table. The girl nodded and moved away.

The father and daughter remained in silence, simply looking at their own hands until Kate's drink was placed on the table. She mouthed her thanks to the waitress before pouring a little milk into her coffee. Decaf was definitely not the same as the regular stuff, so the stronger it was the more she could pretend it was the real deal.

"I'm not making a mistake." She said softly, looking up at him from her coffee cup. "Sure it's not ideal, or great timing, but I can make it work."

"It's just so unlike you to be so optimistic. What happens if things go south between you and Rick? It isn't overly common for people to stay with their first boyfriend for all their lives."

The question startled her. It's not like she hadn't thought about it. Most of their relationship so far, bar the last few months they've lived together, had been easy really. Not impacted by too much of the real world. He'd still lived with his mother during the first few years he was at College, and because she had been in High School she had lived with her parents. The biggest stress of their relationship had been her freaking out during her SATs and him helping her study. They'd been inseparable, the 'perfect picture of young love' as Maddie had put it during their lunch the day before.

She loved him, and he loved her. She knew that and there was no doubt. This baby though, at this time in their lives would put a stress on their relationship. She hoped with every part of her that even on the bad days, where they had no sleep and she had a final the next day and had snapped at him, that they could work through it. She knew, that even if they did break up he would still be there for their child. Even though the thought of being without him made her breathless, the knowledge of how much he already loved their baby eased the pain in her chest.

"We'd work it out. For the sake of the baby." She answered after a while, knowing her father was staring at her expectantly. He sighed, and seemed upset that he wasn't getting through to her.

"I just don't want you to regret this."

"I might regret the timing. But never this." One of her hands moved down to her stomach, moving over the slight bump.

Kate realised that this probably the most honest conversation with her Dad that she had in years. His attitude towards Rick had driven a wedge between the once close father and daughter. Johanna had always joked that when Kate had been younger, her and Jim had been as thick as thieves, always trying to come up with a new way of winding her up.

"Why don't you and Mom come over for dinner soon? I know we missed Thanksgiving," Her voice drifted off, remembering how she had purposely avoided her parents calls in the days after her birthday. "But I thought we could just celebrate a bit late."

"Katie, it's already December." He laughed, and she smiled at him.

"So? I think it should be fairly obvious by now I don't mind doing things in the wrong order." They exchanged a smile, and Kate knew that things weren't perfect between her and her Dad, far from it, but that they were getting better.

* * *

 **Things are (slightly) resolved. yay!**

 **Also, if the sickening fluffy optimism of it all is making your teeth fall out, please stick with me. I have plans for this and I can assure you that it will change.**

 **To those you reviewed Chapter 1 - thank you so much! I appreciate the feedback and try to take it onboard.**

 **However, to those who asked me to not kill of Johanna, sorry to disappoint but I am going ahead with the canon side of things as far as that is concerned. The theme of Season 8, or at least from what I can tell the first part of season 8, is all about how this obsession with her mother's murder is in Kate's DNA, and how she is so blind sighted by it. So this is a take on what would have happened if she had something to live for when it all started.**

 **Please review. Next chapter should be soon.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello,**

 **Here is chapter three. There are a few weeks covered here, and it felt a bit weird writing about the holidays when they aren't quite here yet. Anyway, enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

Rick had insisted that they decorated the apartment for Christmas together. In the lead up to finals their schedules made it quite difficult to find the time to do it, so they found themselves decorating a week before Christmas Day. Kate found herself regretting allowing her over-zealous boyfriend buying the tree by himself. It was massive, and the first thought Kate had when she saw it was that they might just lose their security deposit on the apartment if the tree damaged the ceiling.

"Where did you get all these decorations?" She questioned as she tried to untangle the lights he had given her. They didn't have the money for anything new, but she could tell the tinsel was slightly worn, and some of the baubles were cracked.

"Mother is being whisked away by Mike for the holidays, so she said that we could use her stuff." Kate rolled her eyes at Rick's distain as he mentioned Martha's latest boyfriend. She'd find his mistrust of Mike cute, if he hadn't been the same with the last guy Martha had been dating.

"That's sweet of her," Kate replied. She stood up from her spot on the floor, something that she hated to admit she was finding increasingly difficult, and walked towards him on his spot on the step ladder. She handed him the first set of lights for him to wrap around the tree.

"I guess. It will be weird not seeing her over the Christmas though. When I was a kid, she always made sure that it was something we'd do just the two of us." He explained, sounding a little sorry for himself as he wrapped the lights around the tree.

"We'll do something with her in the New Year," She placated. Kate sat next to the box of decorations that was on the couch and started to root through. She'd be lying if she said her and Martha had similar ideas of what was tasteful, but she had found a few decorations that weren't too gaudy. She pulled one bauble out of the box and was intrigued when she found it was the only one that was wrapped in some form of tissue paper. She unwrapped it carefully and smiled as she read the inscription on it. "Rick, look at this."

She moved back towards him, the decoration held in her hand, and passed it to him.

"Baby's First Christmas," He read to himself, "She always put this one on the tree last. She explained to me last year that the first Christmas after I was born she hadn't been able to afford to decorate at all, or even buy a tree." He moved down the step ladder and stood in front of Kate, "She had seen this in a shop somewhere and made the decision to buy it anyway. That first Christmas was just the two of us, in our undecorated shoebox apartment. Her parents never had anything to do with her after I was born, but she said it was the happiest she had ever been."

Kate suddenly found herself respecting Martha more than she ever had before. She had moments when the idea of becoming a mother seemed so terrifying that it took her breath away. She couldn't imagine doing it all totally alone. She imagined a young Martha, clutching the very bauble in her boyfriends hands, stood in a store feeling guilty that she was unable to provide a good first Christmas for her son. Kate was so grateful for the woman, and the amazing son she had raised.

"Kate, are you ok?"

"Yeah. Just pleased that if someone had to knock me up it was you." She said lightly, hoping to keep the snarky conversation they had been doing all day. She leant forward and kissed him gently, stopping him from responding. "Now finish getting those lights up so we can get decorating."

* * *

Now that finals were over, Kate found herself with very little to do. Rick, however, still had work, and had even picked up some shifts at a bar where one of his classmates worked to make extra money. She really did appreciate everything he was doing, but she missed him. They were living together, and she felt like she was seeing him less now than she had when she was still in High School.

Kate had raised the point that she could also get a job, and earn some money to keep them going. She had actually looked into a few vacancies without telling him, but as soon as the places she enquired found out she was expecting, their interest in her dwindled. It turns out that hiring someone who was going to leave again in 6 months time wasn't exactly ideal.

That's how she found herself alone on Christmas Eve, sat in their apartment sorting through the few items of baby clothes they had bought so far. She was only a few days away from entering her 17th week of pregnancy. It was scary to think that she was close to being half way through, and whilst she had protested on the few occasions Rick had insisted they bought something for the baby, she was pleased that she had them now. Tangible proof, beyond the tiny bump she was now sporting. It was visible now through most of her clothing, apart from her thick winter sweaters, but she was sure she could still pass it off as having eaten too much if necessary.

They were going to start thinking about the nursery in the New Year. The room that would serve as the nursery was tiny, and was right next to their own bedroom. When they had first moved in they had laughed that the estate agent had claimed it could serve as a second bedroom, and had said they would just use it as storage for a few things.

Kate had just finished sorting everything into a small storage box when the door opened, signalling Rick's return.

"Hey, babe," She said without turning to him, "How was work?" He walked past her, pressing a kiss into the top of her head, before moving into the kitchen.

"Gross. I kind of feel like I need to wash the feeling of that bar off of me. Hey, you started dinner."

"Yeah, I thought it was probably my turn. I also went down to the mail box and collected the mail, I realised we hadn't done it in a few days. There's something there for you." She got up from the couch and walked over to him so she could check the food on the stove. He put his arms around her and kissed her neck. "Oh gross, you do smell awful." She squealed as she tried to squirm away.

"That's nice, coming from the mother of my only child," She turned her head to look over her shoulder at him and raised her eyebrows.

"Open your letter, it's from one of the publishers you went to at the end of last month."

"Ah, another rejection letter" He stated forlornly as he picked the letter up off the counter and looked at the insignia on the envelope. Black Pawn Publishing. "Get ready for an evening of comforting your poor, stinky boyfriend, Kate." He opened the top of the envelope and pulled the letter out.

"Well you'd have to shower first, babe. Then I'm happy to do all the comforting you need." She expected a retort, their usual banter tended to flow even when either one of them was upset about something. He didn't respond. After a few more seconds of silence she turned from the stove to see him staring at the letter he was holding in his hands. "What's wrong, Rick?"

When he still didn't respond she took a step so she could stand next to him. She pulled the letter from his hand so she could read it herself.

 _Dear Mr Rodgers,_

 _We are delighted to inform you that we are interested in publishing the manuscript that you recently submitted to our office. Confirmation of this publication taking place would be based on meeting with you to discuss a potential contract._

 _Please contact this office_ _and advise when you are able to…._

"Oh my god," She exclaimed after reading the first sentence. "They want to publish you, Rick!" He looked at her, finally out of his apparent state of shock.

"They want to publish my book." He pulled her in for a fierce kiss and then a hug that was just as passionate, causing the letter in her hands to become crumbled as she hugged him back.

"Congratulations, Rick. I'm so proud of you." She pulled back from the hug to kiss him again.

"This will make things so much easier, Kate. I know the first book wouldn't get me a massive advance, and it might not even sell, but if it does I wouldn't have to work at awful dive bars so we can get by."

She wanted to tell him to not get ahead of himself, but he just looked so excited that she couldn't bring herself to do so. His excitement was infectious, and she started to imagine what it could be like if the only obstacle they had was her working out her classes around motherhood. The idea of Rick being at home with the baby, and there not having to be a handover as she got home from college so he could go out to work made her feel lighter than she had in weeks.

She quickly extracted herself from his arms and turned off the stove. She moved back into his arms.

"Come on, lets go celebrate."

"I thought you said I needed a shower first."

"Well then, it's a good thing that the shower can just about fit the two of us."

* * *

"Rick, are you ready?" She called into the bedroom, "We don't want to be late."

"It's a New Years Party, as long as we are there before midnight we can't be late."

"That may be, but this is a party at my parent's place. So I really don't want to give my Dad any ammunition to act up this evening." He walked out of the bedroom in his dark blue shirt and black dress pants. She stared at him for a second, and found it incredibly difficult to resist the urge to push him back into the bedroom and have her wicked way with him. Her stomach had been feeling strange on and off all day though, so she really didn't think sex was the best idea.

She'd read in one of the many, many, pregnancy books he had borrowed from the library that the second trimester was the best of the three for many women. Kate had found that, just as the books had suggested, she suddenly wanted Rick all the time. Their sex life had always been healthy, but recently every tiny thing he did seemed to turn her on. She really needed to get a grip on it if she was going to spend the evening in the company of her parent's and their colleagues.

"Oh, I know that look. Do you think we could spare another 30 minutes?" He waggled his eyebrows at her, and looked incredibly smug.

"Believe me when I say that I would love to, but we seriously need to get going." She responded, hoping he wouldn't try to push her any further. Then they really would be late and she didn't know how she could explain that to her parents. Despite the fact she was already pregnant, she thought it was best for everybody involved if her parents knew as little about her sex life as possible, "But maybe when we get back later? When you're a drunk and I'm as sober as a judge."

"You're 19, you'd have been sober anyway." He put his arms around her waist and pulled her close. She moved her arms around his neck and went onto her tip toes to glance a kiss across his lips.

"Says the guy who was sneaking me drinks when my Dad wasn't looking last year."

* * *

The party had already been in full swing when they arrived. The drinks were free flowing, and she could see a number of her parent's colleagues were well on their way to being drunk. The television was on in the living room, currently on mute, so people could keep track of time to watch the ball drop. Kate made small talk with a few people, and lost track of Rick who must have been doing the same.

About an hour after arriving Kate found herself stood in her childhood bedroom nursing a soda, looking around the room that held so many memories for her. Whilst most of her stuff was now gone, it still looked like her room. The single bed was still in there, and she smiled as she thought of the nights her and Rick and spent in there, forced to cuddle up together, when her parents were out of town. She had posters of her favourite bands on the walls, but what Kate found herself staring at was the noticeboard she had on the wall above the bed.

There was a mixture of pictures of her and her parents, some with her friends, as well as photos of her and Rick throughout their relationship as well as other keepsakes. She smiled as her eyes flicked over the flyer from the poetry slam she had insisted they went to on the night of her senior prom, even though he almost begged to take her to the dance.

Most prominently, right in the centre of the board, was the first photo taken of the two of them after they became official. It was a photo Maddie had taken on a disposable camera one day at school. It was some sporting event, football if she remembered correctly, and she had gone along to cheer the team on. Rick had come along just to spend time with her. She was wearing his Columbia sweater to battle the cold, and they had their arms around each other. Kate loved that photo, and unpinned it from the board to take it home with her.

"Everything alright, Katie?" She flinched, and turned to see her mother stood at the door.

"Yeah. Sorry. I went to the bathroom, got a little distracted on the way back."

"I heard the great news about Ricks books." She said enthusiastically.

"He told you then?"

"Yeah, it was the first thing he said to me when he saw me. He's quite excitable isn't he?" She said fondly, seeing that particular side of her boyfriend in such a positive light. It was one of the first things Johanna had liked about Rick.

 _"_ _You could do with a little excitement, Katie. You take yourself so seriously."_

She had taken offence at the time, but had been able to accept since that it was probably true. Probably.

"You could say that. You should try living with him though!" Kate smiled, but it slipped away as she felt the strange sensation in her stomach again. She moved her hand to rub her bump.

"You ok? Johanna asked concerned, moving towards her.

"Yeah," Kate knew she sounded unconvincing, and this was confirmed by Johanna raising an eyebrow at her and placing a hand on her shoulder. "I've just been getting this weird sensation all day. Not cramping or anything, or even nausea. Just weird."

"Does it feel almost like popcorn popping on the inside?" Johanna asked softly.

"I guess so. Why, what does that mean?"

"It means you are feeling the baby moving, Katie." Johanna explained. The smile on her face widened when she saw the look of awe on her daughters face.

"That's what that is?" She sounded excited how, moving both her hands to her stomach. "I read about it in a book, but I didn't expect it to feel so strange. That's amazing." She pulled her mother into a hug and held her tight. "I've got to go tell, Rick." She pulled away and walked quickly away from her bedroom.

"Katie," Johanna called after her. Kate turned at the door to look back at her mom. "You'll be a fantastic, Mom."

"Thanks, Mom." She replied, feeling herself blush. "I've learnt from the best." Kate seemed to suddenly remember why she was rushing out the room in the first place, and turned again to leave. "Love you."

"Love you too."

* * *

"Guess what?"

"Shit, Kate. What have I said about sneaking up on me?" She had found him alone in the living room, sat down watching the muted television. She was stood behind him, her mouth level with his ear. "You're like a ninja."

"Oh poor baby." She teased. She walked around the couch and joined him on it, kissing him gently once she was sat next to him, nestled into his arms. "So, are you going to guess?"

"Can I have a clue?"

"No."

"Your Dad has seen the error in his ways and wants to throw me a party for impregnating his only daughter at such a tender age?"

"What, no!" She smacked him gently in the shoulder.

"Shame really. I could do with a party in my honour."

"Rick, please. I'm being serious." He looked at her, tempted to continue with teasing her. He saw how serious she was though. Excitement shone through her eyes, and she had her lips pursed as if it was the only way she was keeping the words from jumping out of her mouth.

"Ok, what is it?"

"I felt the baby move."

His reaction was enough to make the rest of the room fall into silence for a moment, every eye in the room looking at them after his loud outburst.

"Sorry," he stage whispered. "Carry on." The room carried on, with a slight air of confusion and an eye roll from Jim. Rick turned back to his girlfriend, who was still beaming at him. "That's amazing."

He kissed her, deeply, not caring that they were sat in her parents apartment and that her dad was standing just feet away from them.

"It feels so weird, but yeah - it's amazing." She snuggled back into him, both of them content to sit in silence together until it was midnight.

* * *

It was around 2am when they made the decision to go home. They were stood at the door of the apartment, exchanging hugs - or in Rick and Jim's case a hand shake - and pleasantries.

"1999. I can't believe it!" Johanna exclaimed. "It's going to be a good year, I can feel it." She was hugging Kate, and as she released her daughter she placed her hand on the bump in between them. "I am so excited to meet this little one."

"Me too." She replied, "So, are you guys up for dinner on the 9th as we planned? We can go to that diner Rick was talking about."

"Definitely." Johanna confirmed.

"Great." Kate pulled fully away from her mother, and turned to her dad. She hugged him too, "I'll see you then, Dad."

"Looking forward to it Katie-Bug."

The use of the childhood nick name would usually irk her, but the sincerity in Jim's voice stopped her retort in her throat.

As she waited with Rick for the elevator down to the ground floor she found herself agreeing with her mother. 1999 was going to be a good year.

* * *

 **And there were are! I'm sure you can imagine what is going to happen next. I wanted to get a little scene between Kate and Johanna in there before the next chapter.**

 **Chapter 4 is already written, I just need to go over it and edit a few things.**

 **Please review :) I was kind of sad this only got two reviews last time.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello!**

 **As per, I would like to thank everyone who reviewed, favourited or followed from the last chapter! The feedback always blows me away :)**

 **This is my first proper multi-story fanfic, and because its also AU its nice to know that you guys think I'm getting the characters right.**

 **So, chapter 4. It's quite long. I'm sure most of you can guess what is going to happen here, and I hope I don't lose any readers because of it. The whole point of this story is to explore a different path for Kate, and to do that certain things have to remain the same.**

 **Disclaimer: I wish.**

* * *

"They want you to do what?"

"Change my last name, they said something about it being more snappy on the book covers."

"Can they even ask you do that?" Kate asked incredulously. They were walking along the street, hand in hand, on their way to meet her parents for dinner.

"With the size of the advance cheque they have offered me, I think they could ask me to jump off the Rockefeller and I'd have to consider it. It's not a massive amount of money as far as they are concerned, but it would cover all your medical bills and leave enough over to get some decent second hand furniture for the nursery."

"Fair point. It just might take me a while to get my head around that our kid won't have Rodgers as a surname, and that I won't when we get married." Her statement made him stop walking, and he just stared at her.

"We could still give the baby the name Rodgers, Kate. Or even Beckett if you wanted to."

 _"_ Well," she started, stepping into his body warmth. "That would be pointless if I plan on changing my name eventually anyway." She laughed at his dumbfounded face. "What?"

"I just figured you'd keep Beckett when we get married."

"Well, maybe if I do become the first female Chief Justice, I will keep it professionally. To steer attention away from being married to a best selling novelist and all that jazz" She teased. He couldn't help but think that she had never looked so beautiful as she did now. It had snowed a little as they left the subway station. Just a quick flurry that lasted a few minutes. The stripy hat she was wearing, which matched her scarf, still had some snow flakes on it, white flecks interrupting the flow of the bright colours. Her cheeks were tinged red from the cold. Mostly though, she just looked so happy.

"I want to have the same surname as our kid." She said softly as she ran her hand over the lapels of his coat. She leant in and kissed him quickly before pressing her forehead into his, "We should go, it's getting cold just stood out here."

* * *

"Katie, it's fine. You don't have to come over, I'm sure your Mother just got caught up at the office. She'll probably already be home." Jim said, turning to his daughter who was walking a couple of paces behind him, arm in arm with her boyfriend. They had decided to walk with him the couple of blocks from the diner to the Beckett's apartment.

"Dad, come on. We may as well come over for a coffee, we probably would have done so anyway." She heard her boyfriend clear his throat next to her, and looked at him to see he had his eyebrow raised. Smug git. "Decaf coffee of course." She added, and noticed even her father was smirking at Rick's behaviour. Throughout dinner things appeared to be better between them. At one point Jim had even sounded enthusiastic about Rick's potential book deal.

"If you insist." He quipped back, "Your Mom got some of that fancy decaf stuff for you just the other week, so you could try it out." Jim fell into the same pace as the two younger people with him and addressed Rick, "She must be fun without the caffeine."

"You have no idea."

"Can you two not talk about me as if I'm not here!" She exclaimed as they turned the corner to their destination. "I almost preferred it when you two were-" She stopped mid sentence when she saw her parents apartment building. There was a police car parked outside.

Kate had always thought that the sinking feeling people spoke about when something bad was about to happen was made up. A trope that authors and screenwriters used to make a tragic storyline more dramatic. But in this moment she felt it. She saw the police car and she just _knew_ it was about her mother.

* * *

She had never wanted to be more wrong, but as they walked down the corridor towards her parents apartment she knew she was right.

There was a detective stood outside the apartment door.

* * *

She was dead.

Her mother was dead.

* * *

"Does someone need to identify her?" Rick asked quietly. He was sat on the arm of the couch next to his girlfriend, who had a bone breaking grip on his hand. She hadn't said anything yet. Hadn't cried, or even really moved since Detective Raglan had implored them to sit down. She was just starting past the Detective. The only sign she had heard any of it, any of the awful truth was the grip on his hand.

"No, that won't be necessary Mr-"

"Rodgers."

"Mr Rodgers. Her purse was at the crime scene, and her ID was in there. That's enough for a positive ID."

By the time Raglan left it was close to 11pm. The detective handed Jim a card, Rick assumed with his contact details on, and advised someone would be in touch to get full statements from them all. Rick let him out, and after closing the door behind the man he turned back to look into the apartment. From the door he could just about see the living room area, and the two Beckett's were still sat there next to each other in silence. Rick had no idea what to do.

What were any of them going to do?

* * *

Kate and Jim weren't saying much to him, or to each other for that matter. Rick decided it was best that he and Kate stayed the night, not wanting to leave Jim by himself. Neither of them protested, and by midnight they were in their respective rooms. It struck Rick how Jim was now in his room alone, when he would have woken up this morning next to his wife.

His wife who was now dead.

Rick decided to focus on his girlfriend for now, he could worry about Jim in the morning. Kate was sat on her childhood bed looking at the floor. He realised they had nothing to wear to bed, and that Kate's jeans and sweater wouldn't make for comfortable pyjamas. Rick removed his plaid shirt, still wearing a t-shirt underneath, and handed it to her.

"Here." He said quietly, not wanting to startle her. She looked up at him, and he could see the tear tracks running down her cheeks. She grabbed the shirt and ran her thumb over the heel of his hand in thanks.

He moved over to the wardrobe in her room, knowing thats where the spare blankets were kept. The couch in the living room would be comfortable enough for one night. He pulled out the first blanket he could put his hands on and closed the doors again. He looked at Kate again, who was changing out of her clothes into his shirt. He walked over to her and kissed her on the top of her head.

"I'll be out there if you need me, ok." He moved to walk away and she grabbed his hand.

"Where are you going?" She sounded panicked. It was the first time she had spoken since she had argued with Detective Raglan.

 _It can't be her. It's not her. You're wrong._

Her tortured words kept tumbling around his head, and he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to forget them. He knelt on the floor in front of her, forcing himself into her eye line.

"This bed is small, Kate. We were barely able to fit in it when you used to sneak me up here. You're only a couple weeks off being 5 months pregnant. I don't want you to be uncomfortable." He placed a hand on her bump, and wondered if she could currently feel the baby moving. If the sensation was helping her stay grounded on such an awful night.

"Please don't leave me too."

That was all it took to make him put the blanket back and decide to stay. He took his jeans off, leaving him in his t-shirt and boxers. He turned out the light, and by the time he got to the bed she was lying down. He joined her on the bed, and put his arms around her as best he could. It would be an uncomfortable night, but he knew they probably wouldn't sleep much anyway.

They laid there in silence for a while. Rick knew there was nothing he could say or do to make this better. He could do nothing to make her pain go away.

"What am I going to do, Rick?" Her voice was quiet and broken. "How am I supposed to do any of this without her?"

He knew she didn't expect an answer, and even if she did he didn't have one. He hugged her closer to him in response instead, and was glad she did the same back.

* * *

He didn't sleep much, if at all. Rick was thankful that Kate had slept for a few hours, knowing she'd need all of her strength for the days ahead. Sleeping in the narrow bed of her childhood room had been every bit as uncomfortable as he had thought, but he had never been able to begrudge her what she needed.

The last time they had slept her together had been well over a year ago. Her parents had been away at a conference out of town, he couldn't remember where, and she had invited him over. They'd had a fun night, a really fun night if his memory served him correctly, and she had slept practically on top of him in order for them both to fit on the bed.

They had slept in the next morning, much longer than they had intended, and found themselves with only 30 minutes spare until her parents were due back. Kate had insisted that they stayed in bed a little longer, but he had worried what her dad would do if he had come home to find his daughter naked on top of her boyfriend. He'd bribed her with the promise of a cooked breakfast and she had relented.

Their timing had been pretty perfect, seeing as her parents had made good time and arrived 15 minutes earlier than intended. They opened their front door to find Kate sat at the kitchen table in her pyjamas and Rick making pancakes. Kate had tried to cover the situation and pretend he had just come round to cook her breakfast. Neither of her parents had bought it. Jim had looked fed up, as he almost always did if Rick was involved, and Johanna looked amused at how flustered her usually unflappable daughter was acting.

As he thought of Johanna he sighed sadly. She had never been anything but kind to him, and had been endlessly supportive of his and Kate's relationship. Whilst she had been a little dubious of him at the beginning, the idea of her daughter who was in high school dating a boy from college had worried her at first. Rick had always made a point of being respectful though, and he had quickly won her around. She trusted him with Kate, and that alone made him more sure determined than ever to not let her down.

* * *

He tried to ignore Jim's glass of whiskey at breakfast. He couldn't ignore the look on Kate's face when she saw it.

* * *

A random act of violence. That's what the police were putting this down to. A robbery gone wrong. It had been less than 24 hours and they were already claiming there would be no way to track Johanna's murderer. He had seen the look on Jim's face when it was suggested she had walked down the alley as a shortcut to get to the diner they were meeting at. The diner Rick had suggested they tried out. The older man had remained stoic throughout the detectives explanation, and simply took another sip out of the drink in his hand.

"I'd like to see her." Kate piped up, shocking Detective Raglan and her father.

"Miss Beckett, I really don't think-"

"I want to see my Mom." Despite her tears, her voice was strong and determined. Rick smiled slightly, despite the situation, and he wondered how many pregnant young women had managed to make Detective Raglan sink back into his seat like Kate just had before.

"Ok, I can have that arranged. If you're sure."

"I'm sure."

* * *

Jim refused to go with them, and had tried his hardest to talk Kate out of it too. Kate was determined though, and Rick knew there was no point trying to persuade her to do otherwise.

"Why are you letting her do this, Rick?" Jim asked him as they were getting ready to leave the apartment to go to the morgue.

"I'm not letting her do anything. If this is what she needs we need to let her do it." He tried to explain his stand point on it, how he was just trying to support her. He had accusations towards the older man on the tip of his tongue. Desperate to ask him why he hadn't attempted to comfort his daughter, why he could barely seem to look at her,why he'd been drinking all day. He didn't ask though. This man had lost his wife yesterday, and was probably still in shock. He would bite his tongue and swallow down his concerns for now. Kate was his priority. He had to make sure he was there for her.

Rick was glad he was there though to help Kate through it. He wondered if Jim would be stepping up if he wasn't here, and Kate had no one else to rely on, if it was just the two of them living in this bubble of grief. He had a horrible sinking feeling that it would be exactly the same, but Kate would be about to get into a detective's car to go view her mother's body all by herself.

* * *

When the ME had pulled the sheet to reveal Johanna's pale face, he had felt Kate stiffen in his arms, and she turned into him almost immediately, burying her face into his shoulder. He held her tightly, and wondered if he had made a mistake not trying to talk her out of this. The ME looked on with sympathy, and Rick smiled softly at him.

"Can you give us a minute? He requested, wanting to be alone with his girlfriend and her grief. The ME nodded in understanding and left the room. "I'm sorry, Kate. Maybe we shouldn't have come." He whispered into her hair.

"No, I needed to see. Otherwise I think I would have still not quite believed it." Her voice was muffled by his coat, and she moved her head slightly to look back towards the table her mom was laid on. "I don't understand why she was in that alley. It doesn't make any sense. It wasn't anywhere near where we were meeting or her office." He nodded in agreement, he had thought the same thing when Detective Raglan had spoken to them that morning, but had kept quiet.

They stood there together in silence for a few more minutes until Kate found she couldn't bring herself to look anymore.

"Can we go home, please? To our place?" Her voice was quiet, more timid than he had ever heard her sound.

"Don't you want to go back to your parent's apartment?"

"No, not tonight. My back can't take sleeping in that bed with the two of us, and I don't want to sleep without you." She explained as she took his hand and moved out of the examination room. She nodded her thanks at the ME before looking back into the room through the door. "I can't stand to watch him drink anymore today. I need to just go home, regroup and try and talk to him tomorrow." She watched as the ME covered her mother's body back up again.

"Whatever you need."

"Thank you - for today. For being here. Dad's been distant. I don't think he's spoken to me all day beyond trying to convince me that this was a bad idea." She drew in a shaky breath and held his hand tighter. "He can't even look at me, Rick."

"Kate," He stopped her as they walked down the corridor, pulling her towards the wall slightly so they wouldn't be in the way. "There is no need to thank me. It's what I'm here for. And as for your Dad, give him time. He's in shock." She smiled humourlessly and leant in and smudged her lips across his lips quickly.

"Be that as it may, I do appreciate it." She ignored his comment regarding her dad, "Just take me home, Rick." Tears gathered in her eyes again, and she willed them away until she was in the safety of her own home.

He did as she asked.

* * *

"How is she doing?" Martha asked quietly, aware that Kate was sleeping in the next room. When they had arrived back at the apartment he had called his mother to tell her what had happened. She had come over immediately to comfort the young girl she considered her own daughter. Kate had, however, gone straight to bed as soon as they got home. It was only mid-afternoon, but she was exhausted and Rick had convinced her a nap was a good idea.

"As well as can be expected." He responded softly. He was sat on the couch next to his mother, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. "I just don't know what to do, Mother. I don't know how to make this better." His voice broke, the first sign of emotion he had shown about it since they had met Detective Raglan the evening before.

"Richard," She scooted closer to him and ran her hand up and down his back. "You can't make this better. This can't be fixed." She soothed. Rick looked up at her, and she could see the tears on his face. "All you can do is be there for that poor girl in any way she lets you - and in ways she doesn't."

Rick nodded in response and did something he hadn't done in recent years, he leant into his mother and sought comfort from her.

"Oh my darling boy." She soothed, hugging him back. She could feel the sobs racking his body, but could tell he was trying to keep quiet, trying to hold it back. "You go ahead and cry, let it all out. That way, when Katherine wakes up you can be strong for her again."

Rick cried for Johanna, and for Jim. He cried for the future that had seemed so sure only 24 hours ago. Mostly though, he cried for Kate. His wonderful, maddening, beautiful girlfriend who would never be able to do what he was currently doing again. She would never be able to seek comfort from her mother.

He dreamed for the clock to reverse, to go back another day, so that the biggest worry they had was what he would change his surname to, not about funeral arrangements or how Jim was coping.

He wanted to fix it, but knew he couldn't, and it broke his heart.

* * *

 **A/N:**

 **And there you have it! I know this chapter was long, but I wanted to get all of this out of the way in one go. Also I wanted to get the scene between Rick and Martha in, as I felt it was important for him to be able to have his moment to be emotional too.**

 **As for those people who won't be happy I have stuck to my guns re the Johanna story line, I am sorry. I do hope you can stick with this, and be assured there will be Johanna centric flashbacks as we move through the story. Once this story is more underway, and I have most of it written, I am considering doing a series of oneshots from Rick and Kate's relationship set before this story started.**

 **The next chapter is underway, and should be up either the middle or the end of next week. I've been off work due to surgery and now I'll be going back full time - so updates won't be as easy.**

 **Anyway, please review. They seriously make my day :)**

 **Until next time!**

 **xx**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello!**

 **As per I would like to thank everyone for the reviews, favourites and follows! I know the last chapter took a turn a few of you didn't want to happen - so it was nice to still get positive reviews.**

 **This chapter sort of went in a direction I didn't intend. It also got quite long, so the funeral will be in the following chapter. After that there will be slightly longer time jumps in-between chapters.**

 **Disclaimer: I wish.**

* * *

Martha was not sure who she had been expecting on the other side of the door as she answered to the somewhat frantic knocking, but it certainly had not been her son's girlfriend.

"Katherine," She moved back to let the young woman into her apartment. Kate smiled weakly at her and walked past Martha. "Not that I'm not delighted to see you, kiddo, but what can I do for you?" She took in the appearance of the girl in front of her and her heart felt heavy.

Kate was clearly tired, the dark circles under her eyes standing out against her pale skin. Her long hair had been thrown up in a messy bun. Despite her pregnant belly, Martha didn't think she had ever seen Kate look so small. The usual confidence she carried herself with was gone, and she had her arms wrapped around herself in protection. The sweater she was wearing, which Martha recognised as her sons, was pulled down over her fists, one of which was resting over the centre of her belly.

"Rick is in class, and then he has work. He's missed so much already - I don't want him to fall behind because of me." Kate's voice was quiet, and broken. Martha wanted nothing more than to gather the young woman up and hug her tightly, but she didn't want to overstep with motherly affection, not when it was the very lack of her own mother that was causing Kate's heartbreak.

Martha was very aware that her son was at college today, and she knew it was not a decision he had made. In the two weeks since Johanna had been killed he had ignored his schooling, and had called in sick to work so he could keep Kate company. Yesterday, she seemed to suddenly realise he hadn't been to any classes lately and insisted he went in. Rick had called his mother, unsure what to do, and it ended up being resolved that Kate could call Martha if she needed anything whilst Rick was gone. Martha had, however, assumed that Kate had agreed to this simply to placate Rick. In the years she had known her, Martha had never known Kate to be particularly clingy and thought she would probably find some comfort on her own for a few hours.

"I got a call from the funeral director." She continued to explain. The funeral was set to be the following day. "They said that Dad hasn't been answering their calls, and that they still don't-" Kate's sentence was interrupted by her own sobs. The hand resting on her belly came up and covered her mouth. She tried to calm herself down a little, and wiped her tears away with the sleeve of Rick's sweater. "They still don't have anything for her to wear." She got out, the words falling from her mouth quickly.

Martha closed her eyes and sighed sadly. Jim had certainly disappeared into his own grief, leaving his daughter to deal with hers with no second thought. Not for the first time since Johanna's death, Martha was incredibly thankful that Kate had her and Rick to lean on.

"They said they need something today, and they can't get hold of him. I said I'd go get something and take it to them. I can't go there by myself, I just can't." She was crying again, although this time she was not sobbing. The tears streamed down very face consistently, and she would occasionally wipe them away. "Rick is busy because I made him to go class. And you said if I needed anything I could ask so I was wondering-"

Martha stepped forward and pulled Kate into a hug, which was returned almost desperately.

"Of course I'll come with you, kiddo. Let me just grab my coat." She pulled away and smiled at her, she wiped a tear away from Kate's cheek. "Never be afraid to ask me for help, Katherine. It's not just my son who cares about you."

"Thank you, Martha."

"Anytime," Martha moved towards the coat rack and put the closet coat to her on. "You could have called though, I still would have come. There was no need to walk all the way here."

"I don't even know why I came over. I just found myself here before I even knew what I was doing." Kate explained. She met Martha at the door of the apartment and smiled weakly when the older woman linked arms with her.

"Let's get going then. Maybe afterwards we could go get something to eat. We need to make sure we keep you and that baby fed."

"You and Rick are such feeders." She responded, an edge of humour in her tone.

"It's how the Rodgers show love. I'd have thought you'd be used to it by now." Martha retorted. Kate let out a small chuckle. Whilst it was nothing like the usual, beautiful, laugh Kate normally had, it felt like a small victory to Martha.

* * *

Their light small talk continued until they reached the Beckett's apartment building. They then continued to walk in silence until they made it to the front door. Martha noticed that Kate was incredibly tense as she searched through her pocket for the key to the front door.

"I have no idea if he's home," Kate said softly. "He hasn't answered my calls the last couple of days. Rick and I were planning on coming over to see him tonight anyway."

As Kate opened the door, Martha was definitely shocked by the state of the apartment behind it. She had only been to the Beckett's apartment on one occasion before, and it was the New Years Party of 1997. Her son had spent most of the evening trying to sober Kate up after sneaking her drinks at the beginning of the party. The apartment, despite being the venue of a party, was immaculately tidy. It was a beautiful home, and Martha still remembered the pang of guilt in her chest she had felt that she had not been able to provide the same for her son as he grew up.

It was clear the apartment had not been cared for at all in the last couple of weeks. There were dishes piling up on most of the surfaces, and the air smelt a little stale. What stood out most to Martha though were the half dozen empty bottles of whiskey littered around the kitchen and living area. She heard Kate draw in a deep breath next to her.

"The wake is supposed to be here tomorrow."

"We'll worry about that in bit, lets go do what we came here for first." Martha said. Kate walked past her and led her towards her parents bedroom. Martha hesitated outside the door, not sure if it was her place to go in.

"Can you help me choose?" Kate asked softly, almost like she was embarrassed by the question.

"Of course." Martha replied, giving what she hoped was an encouraging smile, as she followed Kate into the room.

* * *

They chose a flowing, knee length navy dress. Martha listened as Kate explained that Johanna had worn it to an event with Jim that summer, and how her mother had loved the dress.

Martha saw, but did not acknowledge, the look on Kate's face as the smell of Johanna's clothes filled the room. She also turned a blind eye as she saw Kate stuff a scarf of her mothers into her purse.

Kate put the dress into a garment bag. As she did so they heard the front door open. Kate's eyes widened, and Martha placed a comforting hand on her arm.

"Let's go talk to him, and then we'll drop this off, ok." Kate simply nodded in response. The door to the bedroom opened, and she saw the look of confusion on Jim's face as he took in the two people stood in his bedroom and saw that his late wife's closet was open.

"What the hell is going on here?" He asked, accusingly. Kate could tell he had been drinking, but he wasn't drunk.

"I got a call from the funeral directors. They needed something for her to wear." She responded, hanging the garment bag over her arm. She walked towards her father, who was still blocking the door, and stood in front of him. "Considering the funeral is tomorrow I thought I should probably take them something, Martha came to help."

Kate was mad at him. So very mad, but right now her grief for her mother was more important. She needed to get the funeral out of the way, get passed this weird limbo, and then she could try and figure out where she stood with her one remaining parent.

"Don't talk to me like that, Katherine." He was mad at her too, and she couldn't figure out why. She had tried to talk to him sensibly, and she had tried to help him but he just wouldn't acknowledge her. In fact, this frosty exchange was probably the longest conversation they had had since Johanna had died, beyond discussing funeral arrangements.

"I don't have time for this, I need to take this to them." She forced herself past her father, and looked to Martha who was still stood in the room.

"I'll be there in a second. I'll meet you outside." She offered, and whilst Kate looked confused at the notion she didn't argue, and Martha watched as she walked around the corner towards the front door.

Once Kate was out of sight, and hopefully out of earshot, Martha fixed her gaze on Jim.

"I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through, but you have got to stop being so selfish." She was stern, and not put off by the look of indignation on Jim's face.

"How dare you-"

'No. How dare _you._ That girl is devastated. She has lost her mother, in an awful way, and just had to pick out what clothes her mother is going to wear in her casket because you can't bring yourself to answer the damn phone." Martha took a deep breath to calm herself down. Now wasn't the time for a total reality check, she knew that, but Jim still needed to hear the truth. "I know you lost your wife, and that is truly horrible. But when you became a parent you made the decision that your feelings don't come first anymore." She walked past him, very aware that she would not get a response from him, but decided to turn back to face him after a few paces.

"She's pregnant, and she is scared. Now she has to face motherhood without her own mother to help her. I can tell you from personal experience that isn't an easy ride. I'm going to take her to the funeral directors, and then for lunch. As soon as Richard is back and done for the day I am coming over and we are tidying this place up."

She left no room for argument, and left the apartment quickly.

If Kate had heard any of what had been said, she didn't let on, but Martha was sure she didn't imagine the small grateful smile on her face when she met her in the hallway.

* * *

"Your Mom told my Dad off earlier." She said quietly. They were sat on their bed together, he was reading a book for class, and she was rubbing lotion onto her stomach. She wasn't sure how much she believed it would prevent stretch-marks, but she didn't have any yet and it helped with the almost constant itching the stretching of her skin was causing. She was now just over half way through her pregnancy. The baby moved all the time now, and it was definitely a feeling she could no longer confuse for any other sensation. Rick was desperate to feel the baby move from the outside, and she hoped their child would comply soon. They needed something positive to hang on to.

"She did what?" He looked at her over the top of his book, shifting his attention to her.

"She told him to stop being so selfish. To take my feelings into consideration."

"Oh, Kate. I'm sorry. I'll tell her she shouldn't have done that." Rick rushed his apology, hoping she wasn't too upset. He totally understood his mother's views, hell he had a few strong words for Jim himself, but he was trying to remain sympathetic to the man whose life had clearly fallen apart.

"No, don't. It needed to be said." She put the lid back on the lotion, and wiped the remaining greasiness on her hands onto her (his) pyjama pants. "I just don't understand why he is acting like this." She added softly.

Rick set his book down entirely, knowing he was unlikely to get any more studying done. He moved closer to the centre of the bed and beckoned for her to do the same. She scooted over to him and settled herself between his legs. They wrapped their arms around each other and she laid her head over his chest, using the sound of his heartbeat and the movement of the tiny baby inside her to keep her grounded.

"I wish I could tell you Kate. I wish I could make this better." He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, hoping she believed him. That she knew he would take this all away in a heartbeat.

"I know. It feels like he doesn't want anything to do with me, that he would just rather drink until he can't feel it anymore." She paused, and took a breath, before she continued. "I think I remind him of her too much."

The crack in her voice made his heart break for her all over again. Since he had met the Beckett's it had always been one of the long running jokes that Kate was her mothers double. He had been shown photos of Johanna at Kate's age and the resemblance really was uncanny.

"He's grieving, Kate. He'll come round."

"He shouldn't have to come around." She exclaimed, her anger towards her father bubbling up again. "He should be here. I'm grieving too. Sometimes it hits me that I'll never see her again, never hear her tell her she loves me, and I struggle to breath. But I still manage to make myself sleep, and make myself eat even though the idea of eating makes me sick and I have to force myself to choke it down." She moved her arm from around him so she could swipe away her tears. "And I'm doing that because of the baby. I haven't even had my child yet and I'm trying to protect it. Why can't he do the same for me?"

He didn't have an answer for her, and he wished he did. He had been blown away by how Kate had looked after herself over the last few weeks. So much so that he felt ashamed of himself that in the first couple of days he had worried he would have to make her eat and sleep. He could tell there were times when she didn't want the meal he put in front of her, when he could see in her eyes that she was on the precipice of her grief swallowing her whole, but she ate it every time. She was looking after their child, as well as she had been before her world had fallen apart, and he was so proud.

"Let's get tomorrow out of the way," He finally responded, knowing he couldn't give her a satisfactory answer. "Then we'll figure out what to do about your Dad, about whether you'll take this semester off school. We'll figure it all out."

"Okay." She whispered back. She burrowed further into him, happy to simply sit there for a while in the arms of her boyfriend. "Please don't leave me alone tomorrow. Not for a second." The idea of her mother's funeral filled her with dread. She would be seeing family members who she hadn't seen in years. People who would probably have something to say about unplanned pregnancy, despite where they would be.

"I wouldn't dream of it, Kate."

"I love you." She looked up at him and kissed him gently.

"I love you too."

* * *

 **Thank you for reading! I love Martha, but I find her difficult to write - so I hope that I get her right.**

 **Next chapter should be up before next weekend.**

 **Please review :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello :)**

 **Thanks as always for all the lovely reviews etc. I've spent most of this week doing a stupid amount of overtime at work - so coming home to them made me smile!**

 **Disclaimer: As always...nope.**

* * *

Kate stared at herself in the mirror smoothing the material of her dress over her bump. The empire lining of the black skater dress she wore mostly covered her stomach, but it was still visible. Kate loved her bump, she really did, and most of the time she wore clothes that showed it off. Today though, she just wanted to be the grieving daughter, and she knew that some of her cousins who were coming from upstate would probably have something to say about the unplanned pregnancy.

"You look beautiful." She caught her boyfriends eyes in the mirror from where he was standing behind her before looking back at her own reflection. The dress and the thick black leggings she wore were simple, but combined with her black pea coat they would help her combat the cold January air.

Rick was wearing a black suit and white shirt. She noticed he was currently struggling with his tie.

"I'll get that for you." She said as she turned to him. She replaced his hands on his tie with her own. In a few seconds it was straight and she smoothed her hands over the lapels of his jacket. "There," the word caught in her throat. "All done." She was trying to pretend it was just a normal day, that this wasn't the day that she was going to bury her mother.

"Thanks, Kate." He pulled her into a hug and ran his hands up and down her back. "We should get going."

"Yeah." She agreed, but she didn't move to pull away from him. If anything, she hugged him tighter.

"We could just run away if you want. I could take you anywhere." He whispered into the top of her head. "Well, anywhere my current credit card limit would allow, give it a few months once the book sales start coming in and I could take you much further away." He managed to pull a laugh out of her, which had been his aim. She finally pulled away from him a little, and looked into his eyes, and she knew he'd do it. He'd max out his credit card and take her wherever she wanted to go. Far away from her dead mother and drunken father. It made her love him even more.

"I appreciate the offer, babe. But we need to go." She pressed a quick kiss to his lips and stepped away from him. She grabbed his hand, "Let's get today behind us, and then maybe I'll let you whisk me away from it all."

"Just say the word, Kate."

* * *

Rick was pleased that Jim at least appeared to be sober at the service. Whilst he still wasn't everything Kate deserved from her father on one of the worst days of her life, he was better than he had been in the last couple of weeks. He hoped that his mother had somehow got through to Jim, but he couldn't help but feel that this would be short lived.

He stayed good on his promise and he stuck by Kate's side throughout everything. Even during the service, when she had pulled on his hand in a silent plea for him to follow her up to the front so she could say her eulogy.

Rick was pulled out of his thoughts as he heard Kate take a shaky breath next to him. They were now stood in the graveyard, watching as Johanna's casket was lowered into the ground. Kate stood next to him, her left arm linked through his right and her right hand gripping his tightly. As the minister spoke she turned her head an pressed her face into his upper arm. Rick moved his free hand to cup the back of her head in an attempt to provide some further comfort.

He knew it wasn't much, but she squeezed his hand in response, and he knew he had helped in some small way.

* * *

The wake was miserable. There was no other way to describe it. Kate was desperately trying to avoid family members Rick had never even heard of let alone met, and Rick wasn't even sure where Jim was. He found himself very grateful his mother was here as she was holding everything together - offering drinks and sympathy where necessary to the relatives of Johanna.

The Beckett family unit had been one that Rick had always envied to a certain degree. Johanna, Rick and Jim were all very close, and whilst he knew they had other family in the state they rarely saw them. In fact, in the three years he had been dating Kate the only person he had met outside of the direct family was Kate's Aunt Theresa. It was a experience he did not want to repeat, so had spent most of the day trying to avoid her piercing gaze.

He sat with Kate in the kitchen when Jim approached them. He looked as haggard as Rick had ever seen him, although he still didn't have the trademark glass of whiskey he had in his hands in the days since his wife had died. Kate was lost in thought, so apparently hadn't noticed her father's approach. Rick noticed how the older man looked his daughter up and down, as if he was truly looking at her for the first time in the last two weeks.

Rick followed his gaze and looked as his girlfriend. He didn't think his earlier estimation of miserable covered it. She was sat at the table, nursing a cup of herbal tea in her right hand, that she was staring intently at, although he didn't think she had even taken a sip from it. Her left hand was resting on her stomach, something that he knew had been the topic of conversation among some of the mourners in the room. He had overheard Aunt Theresa's comment to Kate as she had arrived at the Beckett's apartment.

" _We expected so much more from you, Katherine. I knew that boy was no good."_

Kate hadn't responded, but he knew the words had hurt her. He always knew Theresa had no tact when it came to him, but he had hoped that she would have shown some restraint when it came to her grieving, hormonal niece.

Rick looked back at Jim and gave him a weak smile, which he was surprised that he returned.

"Lets get the hell out of here, Katie." Jim said softly, not wanting to attract attention from the other people in the room. This pulled Kate's attention away from her mug and up to her father.

"What?" She asked quietly, her voice croaking from not being used over the last few hours.

"Let's get out of here. This is awful, and not what your mother would have wanted. Let's just go somewhere." Jim explained, and Rick could tell from the look on his face that it was something that he desperately needed.

"Okay," Kate agreed as she looked at Rick, "Can Rick come?"

Jim hesitated slightly before nodding his head in agreement. Rick smiled in appreciation, before muttering that he would be right back and went in pursuit of his mother. He found her in the hallway outside the bathroom.

"Mother," He breathed out, his somewhat frantic appearance gaining her attention. "Kate and Jim want to get out of here for a bit, and Kate wants me to go with them. Do you mind if-"

"Go." Martha softly interrupted him. She reached for her son and touched his arm in reassurance. "I'll take care of things here, you look after them." Rick nodded his thanks and made his way to the front door of the apartment where Kate and Jim were waiting for him.

* * *

They ended up on Coney Island. It had been Kate's choice, something that the two men with her didn't question. For a while they had walked up and down the beach as the three of them, talking about things that didn't matter. Kate eventually got tired and asked if they could stop. That had been when Rick had decided to hang back, and allow the father and daughter to spend some time alone.

Rick was stood several feet away from them, far enough away that he couldn't hear what they were talking about, and watched as the pair sat next to each other on the sand. They kept passing each other small items he couldn't see from where he stood and he made a mental note to ask about it later once they were home.

After a while he heard Kate shout out loudly, which immediately drew his gaze back to where they were sat. His panic was instantly placated when he heard her laugh, and Jim laugh along with her. He watched as she tried to scramble to her feet but was unable to do so because of her bump. Jim stood up and offered his hands to his daughter before pulling her up. As soon as she was on her feet, she ran towards him as quickly as she could due to her gait and the sand underneath her. He noticed that Jim stayed where he was, giving them the privacy Rick had awarded him just under an hour ago.

"Rick!" She exclaimed. She looked the happiest he had seen her since they had met Jim for dinner just over two weeks ago, and it lifted a weight off his shoulders. He had no idea what was making her so happy, but the look on her face was infectious and he smiled back at her.

Kate slowed down as she made it in front of him, and he saw she had a small figure in her hand that seemed to be made out of stones and twigs.

"The baby moved!" She smiled, and despite his confusion he kept smiling at her.

"Kate, babe, the baby has been moving since New Year." She rolled her eyes at him, something which made his heart beat faster. She was acting more like herself than she had since they had found Detective Raglan at the door, and he was so happy, even if he didn't understand her outburst.

"No, you idiot," She retorted jokingly. She grabbed his hand and placed it on her bump, and waited for a second. He jolted as he felt a movement under his palm and he looked back up at her. She giggled at the look on his face, and she moved the hand that wasn't over his to his open jaw. "I felt the baby move from the outside." She said unnecessarily.

"That's amazing."

"I know," She kissed him gently and pulled back after a second. He noticed the unshed tears in her eyes. "I wish Mom was here." She added. He pulled her in for a hug, she wrapped her arms around his back and held him tightly.

"I know you do, Kate. I know." He looked over her shoulder and saw Jim standing where him and Kate had been sat minutes ago. The man gave him a tight-lipped smile, and Rick realised it was one of the first moment in his relationship with Kate that the older man was giving him approval.

Rick was so glad, that on arguably the worst day of Kate's life, she had found some joy in her father's company, and in their babies apparent good timing. He knew that it was unlikely their issues with Jim were solved, and that he would probably fall back into the bottle as soon as they got back to Manhattan, but he was so grateful for today

* * *

By the time they arrived back at their own apartment it was quite late. Once they had got back to the Beckett's apartment they had been met with questions regarding where they had been, but Rick had been able to fend most of them off by saying they had just needed some air.

Kate was so grateful for him and how much he had supported her throughout this living nightmare.

She was also thankful for Martha and her own unique brand of motherly love. She guessed that Rick had asked her to host during their absence in the middle of the wake, and she hoped she had been able to get her gratitude across in her hug to her as they left. Martha had stayed to help Jim tidy up after the last guests had left.

When they arrived home they made the decision to go straight to bed. Despite the long day, and the exhaustion deep in her bones, Kate found herself unable to sleep. Rick was sleeping behind her, his chest pressed into her back and his hand placed over her bump. She smiled as she felt the baby shifting in her stomach. The sensation, along with the feeling of Rick's sleepy breaths across the back of her neck kept her grounded.

There had been many moments in the last two weeks since her mother had died, when it had crossed Kate's mind that Rick and their baby were the only reasons she had not fallen head first into her grief like her father had. Whilst she was angry at him for how he had been towards her, on some level she understood. She knew he was drinking to forget how he was feeling, and whilst it wasn't healthy or right to do it, she knew why he was doing it. In fact, Kate was fairly sure she might be doing the same if she was able to drink at all at the moment.

Rick kept her going. She wondered where she would be right now if she didn't have him. She would probably lying in her childhood bedroom unable to sleep, listening to her dad wondering around the kitchen whilst he poured himself another drink. She would be so desperately alone without Rick, and the idea made tears spring to her eyes. He had been unendingly supportive, and had even held back on the few occasions she had wanted to be alone. Mostly though, she just wanted to be around him all the time. Her clinginess made her cringe, but she just couldn't bring herself to pretend she didn't need him.

The baby kept her going too. The increase in the movement she could feel helped pull her out of her grief induced haze. She loved her child do much already, and so desperately wanted to meet them. The idea of being a mother without her own around to support her sometimes took her breath away, but she knew she wouldn't have to do any of it alone. Not whilst Rick and Martha were around.

The slight chill in the air of the bedroom sent a small shiver down her spine, and she pulled the comforter closer around her. She shifted back into Rick slightly, trying to steal some of his body heat.

"You should try and sleep." He whispered. She jolted slightly, unaware that he had woken up.

"I am trying." She responded once she had recovered. She shifted her head to look back at him slightly, the angle made it awkward but she was able to make eye contact with him through the darkness.

"Kate." He said, his tone of voice letting her know that he didn't believe her.

"Ok, I haven't been trying that hard." She moved her head again and looked back towards the wall she had been staring at since they had got into bed. They laid in silence for a minute, she knew he was waiting for her to continue, and as always he was giving her the space she needed to make sense of her own thoughts. "It just feels more real now. Now that the funeral is out of the way. She's just gone." She pulled their linked hands from her stomach to rest over her chest, pulling him a little bit closer. "She's just gone." She repeated.

"She might be dead Kate, but she's not gone." He said gently. He pressed a kiss to the back of her head before he continued. "She'll live on through you, through our baby, through anyone who was privileged enough to know her. She loved fiercely, and people who do that are never gone." He felt her take in a deep breath and the slight nod of her head.

"You should think about being a writer you know," She replied, the slight humour in her voice contrasting with the roughness that gave away her tears, "That sounds like something you'd read in a novel."

"Well I do try." He punctuated his words with another kiss to the back of her head. They laid in silence for a while, until Kate felt his breathing even out again signalling that he had fallen back to sleep. She felt the exhaustion that she had been experiencing all day suddenly hit her again with full force. Kate closed her eyes and willed for sleep to overtake her.

* * *

 **And there we have it!**

 **I wanted to keep the Coney Island story in there, because I love it, but I had to adapt it to fit this story obviously. I hope I did it justice! I wanted to make sure Kate still had that memory before Jim falls head first down his own rabbit hole.**

 **Next chapter is mostly written, so should be up late next week!**

 **Thanks for reading, and please review :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi!**

 **Sorry that this is a few days late - I've been working like crazy! So I thought I'd treat you to a long chapter that is, for all intents and purposes, mostly fluff.**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: Not mine!**

* * *

 **Chapter 7**

"You don't actually have to change your name though, do you?" Kate asked incredulously, "Surely you could just write under a fake name?"

They were sat at their kitchen table eating breakfast together. Rick, for once, had no morning classes, so they were relaxing together before he had to leave for work.

"I don't have to. But part of me wants to." He answered. She furrowed her brow at his response, and, after a few seconds, when he was clearly not going to offer any further explanation she decided to push him a little further.

"Why?" She had a sip of her coffee, the one small cup she was allowed a day, and kept the mug tucked between her hands. The heating in their apartment wasn't great, so she was using it to keep her hands warm.

"I suppose I'm just fed up of being Ricky Rodgers," He explained. He avoided her eye contact, apparently finding his empty plate more interesting. "I never had many friends, in fact you were probably the first real friend I ever had, and if you ignore my two step-father's who hated me it was just Mom and I whilst I was growing up." He looked up at her now, and she was taken aback slightly by the unshed tears in his eyes.

"Rick,-"

"Everything is changing, and I'm about to be a published writer and, more importantly, someone's father. And I'd like to be different. To leave the loser who had his head shoved in the toilet on the first day at boarding school behind and to just be better." He chucked mirthlessly to himself, "I'd never even thought about it until they asked me to think of a better surname at my meeting with them, but since then I've thought about it a lot, and I really want to do it."

Kate simply stared at him, unsure how to respond. Throughout their relationship Rick had always played the joker, but she knew it was just a front he put on. It was rare he would open up about his own feelings, despite his constant need to make her open up about how she felt. She was so glad he trusted her though, so happy that he could tell her these things.

Kate got up out of her chair and moved to his side of the table. He pushed his chair out from the table but remained seating, clearly having guessed her intentions. She sat on sideways on his lap, so she could still look at him easily, and put her arms around his neck.

"Why didn't you tell me you felt like this?" She asked gently, eyes searching his.

"They asked me on the day your mom died, it didn't seem as important then."

"Rick, you should have told me. You're important too." He'd done this before, hidden his own worries to help her feel better about her own, and she hated it.

"It wasn't anywhere near as important as what's been happening, I didn't want to-"

"No, Rick. Don't do that. Never feel like you can't talk to me. Please." She implored him. He nodded in response and rest his forehead against her temple.

"Sorry. I didn't mean for things to get so serious at breakfast." He said quietly, and he pressed a kiss at her cheek.

"I asked, so technically it's my fault. So," Kate pulled away from him a little to look at him again, and she was pleased that the tears had gone. "Do you have any ideas?"

"For my new name?" She nodded in response, "Well I'd keep Richard, but I do have a new idea for my surname."

"Which is?" She asked expectantly.

"Castle." He answered simply. He looked at her, and watched as she seemed to consider the name.

"Well, I for one loved Ricky Rodgers. He was sweet, and so much more than anyone ever expected of him. And, by the way, I totally would have beat up the jerks who dunked your head in the toilet if I'd known you then."

"Ah yes, being a 13 year old who had a 10 year old girl fighting their battles for him would totally have improved my street cred." He joked. She rolled her eyes at him, not dignifying him with a response.

"I'll love Richard Castle too." She assured him , and she leant forward and kissed him, and as she pulled back, she continued. "So will the baby."

"Speaking of the baby, have you decided if you want to know if we are having a mini me or you or me yet?"

They had an appointment early that coming afternoon, and Rick knew Kate had been unsure if she wanted to know if they were having a girl or a boy. She had been so set on it being a surprise until Johanna had died, and now she seemed very conflicted.

"Not sure yet, I'll probably decide when we are there. As long as that's ok with you."

"Anything you need, Kate." He hugged her tighter. Well - as tight as he could given their position and her baby bump. "I should get ready for work."

"Just five more minutes." She rested her head on his shoulder and melted into him.

"Five more minutes it is."

* * *

"Can we find out if it's a girl or a boy?" Kate asked, without moving her eyes away from the screen of the ultrasound machine in front of her. Rick was sat next to her, holding her hand, and her midwife was level with her stomach. The older woman, looked at Kate slightly skeptically.

At their last scan, only four weeks ago just before New Year, Kate had declined wanting to know if the baby had been a boy or a girl, claiming that she had wanted it to be a surprise at the birth. At the time, her main motivation had been to wind up her parents, knowing that her mom in particular was quite impatient and wanted to purchase gender appropriate gifts for her grandchild.

 _"_ _You can't dress the poor thing in lime green or yellow for the first few months of it's life!"_

She had delivered the line with a flair that rivalled Martha's attempts to guilt them into finding out the sex. Martha had been, and still was, convinced the child was a girl, citing an old mother's tale about the shape of Kate's bump. Johanna on the other hand, was sure the baby was a boy. She had no 'proof' as Martha seemed to think she had, but she simply said:

 _"_ _I just see you with a son."_

So much had changed since then. In the week since her mother's funeral Kate hadn't heard anything from her father. She had tried to call him, but he never answered the phone, and on the two occasions she had tried to go and see him he hadn't been in.

Kate wished she had found out the sex of the baby when she was offered just one month ago. It wouldn't have changed anything, not by any means, but her mother would have gone to her grave knowing if she was going to have a granddaughter or a grandson. And to Kate that was everything. The thought of it was tearing her apart, no matter how much Rick tried to explain to her that their parents had understood their decision for it to be a surprise.

Nevertheless, Kate needed to know now. She _needed_ to know if she was going to have a son or a daughter. It wouldn't fix anything, not by a long shot, but it would help somehow. She was sure of that.

"I know last time I said we didn't want to know," Kate continued quietly. She moved her gaze away from the screen to look at the midwife. "But I've changed my mind." She cringed slightly at the way she had worded it, knowing it wasn't just her decision, but relaxed when she felt Rick squeeze her hand tighter than he had already been holding it. His silent reassurance that he was happy with whatever she decided. She had mentioned before the appointment that she might ask, at the time still unsure of what she truly wanted. It was only when the image of the baby appeared on the screen of the ultrasound machine that made up her mind.

Rick, as ever, said he was happy with whatever made her happy. Kate was sure she could live one hundred lifetimes and never truly deserve him.

The midwife smiled and nodded in response. At the beginning of the appointment she had mentioned to Kate that her blood pressure was up and if there had been any stress in her life lately. Kate had explained about her mother's death, although not in detail, and about her decision to not go back to college this semester. The midwife, although clearly taken aback by the answer, had offered her sympathies but explained that a high blood pressure during pregnancy was dangerous, and that she would have to be careful.

She seemed to understand that this was not a simple change of heart, but it was very important to the young woman in front of her.

"Of course, let's just see if the baby is co-operating." She moved the wand over Kate's stomach again, and Kate watched as the image on the screen changed again. The midwife chuckled slightly, "Well, luckily, the baby isn't shy at all." She joked.

"They must get that from you, babe." Kate joked as she turned to Rick, she smiled at the look of fake indignation on his face.

"You two ready?" The midwife drew their attention back to her and the screen next to her. Rick and Kate nodded in response. "You are having a little girl." She beamed at them.

"A girl? Really?" Kate was in awe, and she couldn't stop the happy tears that leaked from her eyes. She turned to Rick again, and was not surprised to see he was crying too. "Rick - we're having a girl!" She leant in and kissed him, probably a little too passionately for the setting.

"A girl. Wow." He whispered, slightly dumbfounded. Kate couldn't help but laugh at her usually eloquent boyfriend.

"I'll give you guys a minute," the midwife said moved from her side of the bed Kate was lying on. "Then we'll get you cleaned up and I'll print you off some more pictures." She left the room quickly, knowing she wouldn't get a response from the young couple still smiling at each other.

* * *

It wasn't until later when she was alone that Kate realised that the fact she was having a daughter meant her mother had been wrong. The midwife had of course explained that sometimes the ultrasounds were misleading, and it could never be guaranteed until the baby was born. She had however told them both that she never got it wrong - and was very confident that Rick and Kate were having a little girl.

Kate had lost track of time, caught in her own thoughts, when Rick walked through the door early that evening.

"Sorry, Kate. Professor Nichols wouldn't let me leave. That man never stops talking. Once we've eaten we'll head straight over to your parent's place." He spoke as he took of his coat and hung it up, dropping his bag on the floor in the process. When he had no response from his girlfriend he turned and saw her sat on the sofa. She was sat with one hand at her mouth, worrying her thumbnail between her teeth, and the other hand over her stomach, moving in soothing circles over what he assumed were their daughter was moving.

 _Their daughter._ They were having a girl.

"Kate?" He walked over and sat next to her, only getting her attention when he placed his hand on her shoulder. She jumped slightly, and then smiled sheepishly when she looked at him.

"Sorry, I was just thinking." She leant in and kissed him, "How was class?" She asked as she pulled away.

"Ok I guess. Kind of boring. Are you ok?" He was worried about her, which he always was, but she had been quiet since they left the hospital earlier that day. She nodded, seemingly not wanting to go any further. "You're not," He started his question, unsure how to continue, "You're not disappointed the baby is a girl are you?"

"What? No! What makes you think that?" She pulled away from him, shrinking into her side of the sofa. She crossed her arms as she glared at him, something which used to scare him a little, but the baby bump made it look kind of adorable. Not that he would ever tell her that.

"You've just been quiet since we found out." He reached out and put his hand on her knee, "I know your mom was sure the baby was a boy, and that was part of the reason you wanted to find out."

She sighed in response, and he knew he had hit the nail on the head. They sat in silence, Rick knowing that she would talk when she was ready. She ran her hands through her hair, pushing the increasingly uncontrollable mass from her face, before grabbing the hand he had on her knee between both of hers.

"I'm not disappointed. I'm so happy. It's just," Her voice caught in her throat, and her eyes filled with tears just like they did every time she spoke about her mom. "I thought, maybe, if it was a boy that somehow I'd feel closer to her." She removed one of her hands, which were still clasped around his, to wipe the tears from her face. "Which is ridiculous, I know, but that's what I thought."

"Oh, Kate. It's not ridiculous at all." He moved closer to her and pulled her into a hug. She leant heavily into him, and pressed her face into the side of her neck.

"If this was a story, or a movie, she would have been right." She whispered, "It would have been put down as some kind of sign that she was still here or something. Still a part of all of this."

"She is still a part of this, Kate." He assured, pressing a kiss into the top of her head for good measure. "And she would have forgotten all about being right or wrong the moment she held her granddaughter for the first time."

"I still can't quite believe she won't be here for all of it. That she's just gone. Sometimes the thought just swallows me whole." She moved her head to look at Rick a little better, "I'm so glad I have you. If it wasn't for you it would just be Dad and I, and I'd be on my own." She swallowed thickly, trying to will away the tears that wouldn't go away. "I don't want to be on my own."

"You won't be." He promised fiercely, "You'll have me and Mini KBex to keep you company."

"Don't call her that!" She grimaced. Rick had delighted in the nickname Maddie had given her when he first heard it, especially when he realised how much she disliked it. "We should probably try a little harder to come up with a name now we know we're having a girl. And I can categorically say that we are not referring to her as Mini KBex."

They had discussed names a little bit, but hadn't found anything that both of them loved. In the last new weeks it had not been a priority. Kate now found herself wanting everything to be ready for the baby even though there were still three months to go. The books she had read, at Rick's instance, called it nesting. Kate was lost in thoughts of cribs and changing tables when Rick spoke.

"I did have one idea," He pulled back a bit to look at her a little clearer. "For the baby's name. I've been thinking about it for a couple of weeks."

"That long? Why didn't you say anything?" She suddenly felt like she was right back the beginning of the day, trying to make him understand it wasn't just her thoughts or feelings that matter.

"I was trying to think of names that went with Castle, so when I eventually raised the idea of changing my name again I could win you over with a fantastic baby name idea. Of course you beat me to it this morning, and it didn't seem like the right time to mention it."

"Well tell me then!" She pulled completely away from him this time, although she kept her hands in his. She sat next to him, and he was glad to see the excitement in her eyes instead of the sadness that had been there only minutes before.

"I came across the name Regan in one of the baby name books. It can be used for either a girl or a boy, and it means regal. Or according to the Irish - Little King or Queen." She was staring at him, and he couldn't tell from her face if she was impressed or not, so he kept talking. "So, I thought about it again today after we found out she was a girl, and I thought Regan Castle could kind of mean Little Queen of the Castle."

He was still faced with her silence, and this time he decided to back track.

"It's stupid I know, we can go through the book together-"

"No! I love it. It's different, but not too different." She was smiling brightly at him now, tears gathering in her eyes for a totally different reason than they had been earlier. "Regan Castle." She whispered, as if she was trying to get used to they way it sounded.

"I thought as well we could give her your mom's name, as a middle name, if you wanted to." He'd mentioned just before Johanna's funeral that he was ok with naming the baby after her if they had a girl, but Kate had shot him down. Claiming she didn't want her child to live with the burden of her dead grandmother's name.

"I like that idea." She whispered again, "We just named our daughter, Rick." She laughed, and he knew he had never heard anything so beautiful.

"We did." He leant forward and kissed her, which she returned reverently. The kiss quickly became a battle for dominance as the passion between them built quickly. He pulled back from her a little, only enough so he could talk. "Dinner could wait, right?" He quirked his eyebrow at her, and she giggled in response.

"Definitely." She kissed him again, and allowed him to pull her up from the sofa. She grabbed his hand and pulled him towards their bedroom.

* * *

Kate was not aware she had dozed off until she woke up to the feeling of him kissing the back of her head.

"Wake up sleepy head." Her response to his gentle probing as a groan, which she was sure was very unladylike. She rolled onto her back and turned to her boyfriend, who was lying behind her and looking very proud of himself.

"Stop looking so smug." She slapped his chest lightly. He caught her hand and brought it up to his lips so he could press a small kiss to her fingers. Any further back and forth between them was disrupted by a loud growl from her stomach

"We should eat so we can go see your Dad." He said as he leant on one elbow over her.

"Do we have to?" She asked, aware of the petulant tone in her voice. She wanted her Dad to be ok, and she was so worried about him, but the last thing she needed today was to see him in a drunken stupor, especially when she'd had such a good day. All Kate wanted to do in this moment was eat something, and stay in bed with her boyfriend for the rest of the evening.

"I could go by myself. I don't mind." He offered.

"I know you don't. And that is one of the many, many reasons I love you." She wrapped one of her arms up around his neck and pulled him down so she could kiss him. She smudged her lips over the seam of his. "Now, feed me and our daughter, and then we'll go. Together."

She couldn't stop the small giggle that escaped her as he saluted her, before leaving their bed, and then their bedroom totally naked so he could cook. She leant back against her pillows, closing her eyes, determined to rest a few minutes longer before she got dressed. She smiled as she felt the baby kicking away inside of her. She smoothed her hands over her bump and whispered to her little girl.

"Hi, Regan. We are so lucky to have your daddy, baby girl." She felt herself choke up suddenly, but was determined not to cry as she spoke to her child. "So very lucky."

* * *

 **Well look at that! The gender and the name in one chapter.**

 **I struggled with the name for a while, I dread to think how I'll handle naming my future children if this is any indication! But I'm happy with what I ended up with.**

 **I decided that I'd go with the idea of Johanna being wrong about the baby's gender, instead of the usual trope that 'a mother always knows.'**

 **I'd like to know if any of you are interested in reading a series of oneshots that are prequels to this story. I've got a few ideas - and it would mean more Johanna for those of you who didn't want me to kill her off in this! The first one shot would be Rick meeting the parents for the first time!**

 **Please review and let me know if you would be interested in the series of oneshots :)**

 **Until next time!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello :)**

 **Sorry for the delay again, I'm very busy at the moment!**

 **Thanks as usual for the lovely reviews, favourites and follows - I'm glad this story is being enjoyed :)**

 **Note for this chapter: 6 weeks have passed between the previous chapter and this one in the story. Which means Rick's birthday has been and gone, and Kate is 34 weeks pregnant.**

 **Here's the next chapter!**

* * *

 **Chapter 8**

"Don't peek." Rick whispered into her ear. He had his right hand over her eyes, and his left over her now rather large stomach. He was guiding her through their apartment, towards the nursery she had been forbidden to enter over the last few weeks.

"Couldn't if I wanted to." She replied, a chuckling at her boyfriends antics. She was desperate to see the room their daughter would call her bedroom and was glad he was finally letting her see what he had done with the small room.

Once they had found out they were having a girl, Rick decided it was time to start properly preparing for her arrival. The small room that had become Regan's nursery had become a bone of contention between the young couple. Kate had argued that since Rick was trying to balance finishing college with work and finalising the last parts of his book deal, she should be the one to take charge of decoration. Rick had said that due to paint fumes and heavy lifting of furniture it should be his job. Kate knew she was fighting a losing battle as soon as Martha had got involved, and told her to let Rick take care of her.

It didn't stop the guilt she felt though. Rick was working himself into the ground, and she felt as if she wasn't truly contributing anything at the moment. There were days when simply the thought of her mother's murder made it hard for her to get out of bed. She always did though. The movements of her daughter inside of her always spurring her on to move, to eat and take care of herself. On the good days she thought about what she wanted to do with her future. As time went on, she was unsure if she wanted to go back to college at all. There was something bubbling up inside of her that she couldn't identify yet. She didn't want other people to feel like she did, to have this sudden whole in their life that couldn't even be placated with answers of justice.

She wanted to help, to make a difference. She just wasn't sure how. For now, she just wanted to be a good mom.

"Ready?" They came to a stop outside the small room she hadn't set foot in since they found out the sex of the baby 6 weeks ago.

"Stop stalling! You're making me nervous." As if to back up her statement, the baby gave a firm kick against his hand. "Regan agrees with me." His hand moved away from her eyes, as he murmured something about the two of them ganging up on him, but she ignored him as she took in the room in front of her.

The room was small, so small she had worried how they were going to fit all of the baby's furniture in there. Somehow though, he had done it. The walls were painted a mauve colour, because she had expressly said she didn't want bright pink, apart from a large rectangle section over the crib and changing table. The section had been left white, and there were photos stuck to the wall. She turned to him, and her question was clearly in her eyes because he answered without prompting.

"I was trying to think of how we could make the room more unique. So far I've put the sonogram photos there, and the photos we have of your bump. Once she's born, we can put pictures of her there too. Kind of like an unconventional photo frame."

"I like it." She said quietly, taking the rest of the room in. The changing table and the crib were both white, and laid adjacent to each other under the white rectangle. The edge of the changing table was right up against the crib, both pieces of furniture just about fitting against the small wall. In the opposite corner was a rocking chair, which was also white, and Kate couldn't figure out for the life of her how he had got the chair into the apartment without her noticing.

Apart from that,the room had very little else in it because there was no room. The drawers of the changing table were filled with some clothes, along with other essentials. Most of the baby's clothes were in their room, in boxes and some in their drawers. Rick said once he had earned more money they would be able to find a better apartment, somewhere to call home, but she liked this room. This would be the first place their child would call home, and she loved him for making the best out of it.

"I love it." She corrected her previous statement. He hugged her, and she could sense the relief in him, as if he was worried she would hate what he had done with the room. "I love you." She added, hoping he would realise how much she meant it.

* * *

"I think I should go see him." She didn't need to be any more specific, she knew her boyfriend understood she was talking about her father. She had seen Jim a couple of times since her mother's funeral a couple of months ago, but each time had been forced. He could barely look at his daughter, and she tried to ignore his drinking. "Alone." She added. Rick's head snapped up at that, drawing his attention fully away from cooking their dinner. He was stood at the counter, and she was sat at the dining table.

"Kate-"

"I just think I might be able to get through to him better by myself." She interrupted, "No offence, but he's never been your biggest fan, and I think you being there irritates him more." She implored him, trying to get him to see her point of view. One the few occasions that they saw him Rick's presence had angered Jim, and Kate knew she was never going to be able to talk to him about the drinking if he was in a bad mood.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Kate."

"I can handle my father. I just need to make him see what he's doing."

"Are you trying to reassure me, or yourself?" He asked, his tone shocking her. He had been nothing but understanding and sweet about what had happened to her parents.

"Rick, please. I just need to talk to him."

"I'm not going to let you go over there alone, Kate. We don't know what he-"

"You won't let me?" She shouted. "Who the hell are you to stop me from doing anything?"

"The man who loves you." He shouted back, and she shrunk back a little, unsure if he had ever spoken to her like that. He sighed, and ran a hand down his face. "I love you Kate, and I don't want you to put yourself and the baby in any danger."

"He won't hurt me. I wouldn't put our daughter in a situation like that." She was angry, at a lot of things, but mostly the fact he would imply she would endanger their child.

"We can go. After we've eaten, and I'll be coming with you." She opened her mouth to argue, "I'm coming with you, Kate. There's no room for argument." She stared at him, anger pouring out of her eyes, and he could see she had her jaw clenched.

"Fine." She forced out, standing as quickly as she could from her place at the table. She walked to their bedroom and slammed the door behind her.

"Damn it." Rick swore to himself. This wasn't at all how the evening was supposed to go.

* * *

They had eaten, and travelled to her parent's apartment in silence. They were mad at each other, both of them angry that the other couldn't see things from their point of view. She opened the door of the apartment she had called home for most of her life, and sighed as the stale smell hit them.

"Dad?" She called out. She heard a noise coming from the hallway that led to the bedrooms as her answer. Seconds later Jim walked out, and made eye contact with his daughter.

"You really need to stop letting yourself in." He stated as he walked towards the living room area, "It's not like you live here anymore."

"Well if you answered your phone you'd know we were coming over." Kate replied. She walked into the living room, with Rick just a few paces behind her. She sighed as she saw him reach for the half empty bottle of whiskey on the coffee table near the sofa, and the small glass next to it. He sat on the arm chair that he had claimed as his own long before she had been born.

"Sorry Katie," He apologised genuinely "I must have been asleep."

"Dad, it's only 6pm. Have you been sleeping during the day?" She moved closer to him, and sat on the edge of the table in front of him, so she could be eye level with him. She used to sit there a lot as a child, listening to her dad tell her stories about his day, or how he had met her mother. She was finally going to try and talk to him about his drinking.

"What are you trying to say, Katie?" He looked up at her, his eyes hard. "You might as well just come out and say it." He knocked back the rest of his drink, and started to pour more.

"How much have you had to drink today, Dad?" She asked quietly. Her voice was soft enough she wasn't sure Rick would have been able to hear from his spot behind her, sat on the chair opposite Jim.

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"Everything." She replied, "It's everything, Dad. I'm worried about you, I haven't seen you sober since her funeral. You need to stop drinking before it becomes a real problem." She leant forward and tried to grab his hand, he pulled away. "I'm worried it already is." She implored. "I'm worried to let you be around my daughter, and that's something I never thought I'd say."

"It's not like Martha doesn't enjoy a drink, or three. Are you going to stop her from seeing it too?"

"Hey, don't-" Rick chimed in, stepping in to defend his mother's honour.

"Rick," She turned and looked at him, an apology on her father's behalf written all over her face. "Please let me do this." She begged. He relented, no matter how unhappy he looked about it. Kate tried to force a smile and turned back to her dad, "That's different Dad. You must be drinking a bottle a day."

"You're hardly here, Kate. How would you even know that?"

"Because I can tell. And I'm never here because I can't bare to watch you do this to yourself. I need to make sure I put myself first at the moment." It felt selfish to say, but it was true. Her child was her priority, and the reason she was still going.

"That's not exactly new."

"That's not fair, Dad."

"Your mother spent the last few months of her life worried about you, because you were too selfish to be sensible and not get yourself knocked up." She sucked in a breath at his words. She could forgive him for that, and any other slurs he threw at her. She could forgive him if he just stopped drinking.

"Stop it. This isn't you Dad, it's the drink. You need to stop. There are better ways of handling this" She begged.

"You just get to move on with your life, and I'm stuck here. Missing her." He spat out, either unaware of the tears streaming down his daughters face or ignoring them. He stood, and looked down over her. "So don't you tell me what the best way of handling this is."

"Don't you dare imply I don't miss her. I miss her with every part of me, but I have to stay strong. For my daughter." Kate pleaded with her dad. They were now stood right in front of each other, screaming their accusations in each others faces. Rick was stood just behind her, his hand on her arm as if he was seconds away from pulling her back. She was suddenly pleased he was here, and knew she would have to apologise for giving him the silent treatment all evening.

Rick being with her made her brave, and that bravery made her carry on.

"I'm doing what you're clearly not strong enough to do. I'm carrying on for the sake of my child. The child I haven't even met yet."

"Don't talk to me like that, Katherine. I'm still your father." He squared up to her slightly, something he had never done before. This wasn't her father, not at all. He was a kind man, not this angry drunk in front of her.

"Then act like it. Act like the person Mom knew and _loved._ Not this shadow of a person who she would have been ashamed of." His reaction, and that of the man stood behind her, happened so quickly Kate had no chance to react herself.

Jim raised his hand at her response and was clearly going to strike his daughter. Rick moved faster than him though, and pulled Kate away from Jim, practically pushing her behind him. Kate caught herself on the arm of the chair behind her.

The older man's fist caught Rick's jaw instead. Rick lost his balance and fell, cracking his head on the coffee table as he went. He was lying on the floor, unmoving, with both Beckett's staring at him.

It had happened quickly, but Kate could swear it happened in slow motion. It took her a couple of seconds to react.

"Rick?" She asked frantically, she lowered herself to the ground and crawled the short distance to him. She ran her hands over his face, and was pleased to see his breathing. "Rick." She repeated. She shook him gently but his eyes didn't flutter. "He won't wake up. Why won't he wake up?" She looked up to her dad, who was still stood where he had been when he'd hit Rick.

"Katie-"

"Save it." She hissed out at him, unable to handle his self pity whilst her boyfriend was unconscious. Kate turned behind her and grabbed a cushion off the chair to put under Rick's head. As she lifted his head she felt a dampness under her fingers, she pulled her hand away to see it covered in blood. "Shit." She whispered, "Shit, shit." She was crying now, as she fumbled through Rick's pocket where he had his new cellphone. She'd frowned at him when he'd come home one day with one each for them, stating it was a waste of money, but she was so glad for it now. She couldn't exactly get up from the ground easily to get the house phone, and her dad was still frozen in shock. She frantically dialled 911, "Ambulance, please." She looked up at her dad again as she was connected to the correct service, and she glared.

She had always forgiven him for his attitude toward's her kind, sweet boyfriend, putting it down to him finding it hard that she was growing up.

She could have, eventually forgiven him for his harsh words that came from the influence of alcohol.

She couldn't forgive this though. She wasn't sure she ever could.

* * *

"Excuse me," Martha said breathlessly as she arrive at the front desk of the Emergency Room. The nurse looked up at her in acknowledgement "My son, Richard Rodgers was brought in a while a go, I was told he had a head injury." She watched as the nurse looked confused as she checked the records in front of her. "He might be registered as Richard Castle, he recently changed his name." She rushed out.

"Yes, a Richard Castle was brought in about 45 minutes ago. The young woman who arrived with him is waiting around the corner, you can go sit with her and I'll make sure someone updates you as soon as possible."

"Thank you." She nodded her appreciation at nurse and left to try and find Kate. As she walked around the corner she saw her, and for the second time in the last hour she felt the breath rush out of her.

Kate was sat hunched forward in one of the plastic chairs lining the walls. She had her elbows on her knees, and her head in her hands. Martha could tell by the way that her shoulders were shaking she was crying.

"Oh, Katherine."

"Martha." The young girl looked up at her, and sat up from her chair as quickly as she could with her nearly 8 month pregnant belly. The two women hugged tightly, trying to comfort each other as well as seek comfort in each other. "They won't tell me anything," Kate sobbed, "They said because we aren't married they can't tell me what is going on. He's listed as my emergency contact, because of the baby, but we never changed his and-"

"Katherine, calm down. Let's get you sat down," They sat down next to each other, and clasped their hands together. "Whilst we wait for someone to come tell us what is going on with Richard, why don't you tell me what happened."

"Oh, Martha. It's all my fault." She sobbed, her tears starting a fresh.

"I don't believe that for a second." Martha reassured as she raised one of her hands to wipe the tears away from Kate's cheeks. "Calm down, that gorgeous little granddaughter of mine needs you to calm down." Kate nodded in response and took a few deep breathes. "Good," Martha placated, "Now, Start from the beginning."

* * *

"He showed me the nursery this morning." She whispered.

"Oh did he?" Martha replied, "He was so excited about it."

"It's beautiful. He did a good job." Kate laughed mirthlessly as she checked the clock on the wall opposite her. They'd been sat here together for over an hour, and still had no news. "He'd be better off without me."

"What? Don't be so ridiculous."

"It's true," She wiped tears from her cheeks again. All she seemed to do was cry these days, and it couldn't all be put down to the baby growing inside her. She needed Rick to be ok, she wasn't sure what she would do without him. "If it wasn't for me he'd be free to go and do what he wants, he wouldn't be stuck with a baby at the age of 23. He definitely wouldn't be in a hospital bed because my drunken father knocked him out."

"Katherine, darling. I love you but you are an idiot sometimes." She held the young woman's hans tightly, and hoped she could make her understand. "My son loves you with every part of his being. And he would much rather be on the other side of that godforsaken door than you be there. And as for my darling granddaughter, I've never seen him more excited. He loves you both, and wouldn't change his life for the world."

"Thanks, Martha. Normally Rick is the one who talks sense into me." She said flatly.

"He will be doing again very soon." Martha pulled Kate into a hug, which was awkward given the way they were sat and the baby in between them.

"Family of Richard Castle?" The doctor's voice made them pull away from each other, and Martha lifted her hand so the doctor walked over to them.

Kate wasn't sure if she believed in God, not after the year she'd had so far, but she prayed to whoever was listening that her boyfriend was ok.

She _needed_ him to be ok.

* * *

 **So the next chapter is mostly done, so I promise this mean cliffhanger won't last too long!**

 **Reviews might help me go a little quicker though ;)**

 **I'm anxious about tonight's episode. I'd hoped they'd fix this time out thing before christmas, and now I'm not too sure it will be!**

 **Until next time x**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi!**

 **A/N: Sorry about the delay in this chapter! I've been working almost non stop in the lead up to the holidays.**

 **This picks up right where we left off in Chapter 8. To clarify, at this stage we are early April 1999 and Kate is 33 weeks pregnant.**

 **I found this chapter quite hard to write, so I am sorry if it's not up to the usual standard. I definitely suffered from writers block with this one - I knew were I wanted it to go but struggled to get there.**

 **Disclaimer: Nope...I own nothing. Except a fancy new dog toy that my mum got me for Christmas. (I don't have a dog. Not even kidding.)**

* * *

 **Chapter 9**

"He's been in and out of consciousness for the last 30 minutes - which is normal for a head injury," the doctor reassured them. "We had to do put 15 stitches in the back of his head, those will have to come out in a few weeks. I'd like to keep him in overnight, just as a precaution, but all of the tests suggest he will be ok."

"Thank God." Martha exclaimed, gripping Kate's hand tighter. "Can we see him?"

"Of course." The doctor nodded, a reassuring smile on his face. "Follow me." He waited patiently as Martha stood from her seat and helped Kate up too. They followed the doctor hand in hand down the corridor until they came to the room where Rick was being kept.

Kate gasped when she finally caught sight of her boyfriend. He was sat up in the bed and was currently awake. The left side of his face, where her father's fist had caught his jaw was bruised. The purple mottled skin made the guilt that had settled in her stomach rise up again. Despite Martha's earlier protestations, Kate could not help but feel this was all her fault.

"It's outside of visiting hours, but I can give you a few minutes with him. You can come in tomorrow to collect him as long as he doesn't show any symptoms of a major concussion throughout the night."

"We can't stay?" Kate asked. She heard the shake in her own voice, and mentally kicked herself again when she felt Martha squeeze her hand in support. She wasn't doing very well at providing any support in return.

"I'm afraid not. Even if it wasn't against hospital rules, we are going to have to wake him up several times throughout the night to make sure his concussion hasn't worsened." He opened the door to the room next to them and signalled them in. "You have a few minutes."

"Thank you, doctor." Martha smiled through her response, whilst guiding Kate into the room. The door closed behind them.

"Hey." Rick's voice suddenly drew their attention towards where he was lying. "Fancy seeing you two here." His words were slightly slurred, which could clearly be put down to his concussion.

"Hey babe," Kate whispered, her eyes suddenly filling with tears again. "How are you feeling?" She walked towards the bed and sat on the chair positioned next to him. She grabbed his hand, and almost cried with relief when he gently squeezed back.

"Like I hit my head really hard." He groaned. He clearly caught the grimace on her face, "Sorry. Too soon?"

"I have a feeling this will one of those things that will always be too soon to joke about." She leant forward and kissed him gently. As she pulled away, she continued. "I'm so sorry, Rick. I never thought he would do something like this."

"Don't apologise, Kate. It's not your fault. Not at all."

"I've spent the last hour trying to convince her of that, Richard. I hope you have more luck than I have had." Martha quipped.

"Mother! Are you here to break me out?"

"Sorry kiddo, you're in overnight. We'll come get you tomorrow."

"No. Can't afford it. Should…go home." He slurred, the exhaustion clearly taking over.

"Don't worry about that, babe." She reassured, running her fingers over the back of his hand in an attempt to soothe him. "We'll figure it out."

"You should go home. Sleep." His words were clearer this time, and he was trying to force himself to stay awake. The thought crossed her mind that it was typical of him to try and look after her, even though he was lying in a hospital bed.

A hospital bed that her father had put him in.

"No," She protested "I'm staying here." She was sure she could convince the nurses to let her stay.

"Kate-,"

"No." She said firmer this time, "You wouldn't go if it was me."

"Richard is right, Katherine. You should go home and sleep. We can come back in the morning to pick him up." Martha placed her hand on Kate's shoulder and squeezed reassuringly. "Like the doctor said, someone will be in every hour anyway to check he hasn't fallen into a concussion influenced coma."

Kate looked between Rick and Martha, the only support she felt she had left, and she knew she was never going to win this argument.

"Ok," She looked back at Rick with her eyebrow raised, "but I'm not happy about it. I'll be back as soon as visiting hours open in the morning so we can spring you out of here." She kissed him again before standing. "I love you."

"Love you too. You too, Mother." He was half asleep now, and Kate knew he was only minutes away from being completely unconscious.

"Come on Katherine, we'll get going." Martha dropped a kiss to her son's head and they left the room, closing the door behind them quietly.

* * *

"Are you sure you're ok?"

"Yes Kate, I'm fine. I promise I would tell you if I wasn't." He assured her as she settled next to him on their couch. Martha had just left, having hovered around her son for a couple of hours, leaving the couple alone for the first time since they had left their apartment the day before. She had been so mad at him at the time, so angry that he had demanded to go to her parent's place with her. The thought of it made her stomach clench. "I just hope the bruising goes away before graduation next month." He quipped.

"Still way too soon, babe." She leant into him, resting her head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry Rick. I'm so sorry."

"Kate, sweetheart, I've already said it's not-"

"Not for this," She interrupted, gently stroking her fingers over the bruise on his cheek, "but for arguing with you before we went to see him. You were concerned something might happen, and I was too stubborn to listen."

"You don't have to apologise for that either." He grabbed her hand and laced their fingers together. "Don't apologise to me for believing that Jim wouldn't hurt you. Before yesterday he'd never even have attempted it." He implored.

"After you got knocked out he just stood there. I was there kneeling on the ground, with your blood literally on my hands, and he just _stood there._ " She pulled one of her hands from his so she could wipe the tears from her face. "The paramedics had to help me get back up off the ground, because he didn't seem to care enough to even help up his pregnant daughter."

"He was probably in shock, Kate." He comforted.

"Yeah," She laughed mirthlessly, "He was in shock." She paused for a moment, "Why are you defending him anyway?"

"Because you love him. And I love you. That's why I'm defending him."

They sat in silence for a few minutes after that, both trying to figure out what the next step was. Clearly things with Jim couldn't continue the way they had been for the last few months.

"Has he tried to contact you since it happened?"

"He tried calling last night but I ignored the call. He hasn't tried since." She answered, and Rick picked up on the disappointment in her voice. "It's probably a good thing. I wouldn't know what to say."

* * *

Kate couldn't sleep. She was laying facing Rick, with a pillow supporting the baby bump, and she was watching the rise and fall of his chest. The lingering fear that his head injury could be worse than the doctor's had concluded wouldn't ease, and on top of that the baby was currently doing what felt like somersaults in her stomach. So sleep was, yet again, eluding her despite her exhaustion.

A firm kick from her belly drew her attention downwards, and she ran a hand over the spot where she had felt her daughter move.

"I love you, baby girl. But you need to give me a break." Kate whispered, continuing to rub soothing circles over her stomach. "Mommy needs some sleep."

There was a loud knock at the front door which, again, shifted Kate's attention. She furrowed her brow as she shifted her weight onto her elbow to check the clock on Rick's bedside table.

"Who the hell is knocking on the door at 2am?" She asked herself. The knocking, louder this time, happened again, and this time woke Rick up.

"What the hell?" He slurred, his voice still thick with sleep. He checked the clock himself and groaned when he saw the time.

"We should go see who it is, before they wake up the entire building." Kate sat up, and watched as Rick did the same.

"You should stay here, I'll go." Rick replied as he ran his hand over his face.

"If you think I'm going to let you answer the door at 2am by yourself you are insane. It could be anyone." She stood and grabbed the thin robe she kept near the bed. The knocking happened again, more frequent this time. "I'm not going to change my mind so we should go."

The couple left their room and headed for the front door. Rick stopped and turned back to Kate, prompting her to walk into him.

"At least let me go first." He offered. Kate's initial reply was to roll her eyes at him, but she then nodded. Rick smiled and turned back to the front door.

He wasn't surprised to find Jim Beckett stood outside the apartment, fist raised from where he had been knocking. Kate sighed from behind him, and he turned to see her cross her arms over the top of her bump.

"You should probably come in, Dad." Kate said firmly, her tone of voice matching the anger in her eyes. "We have plenty to talk about."

* * *

 **A/N: I hope you liked it! And as per I would appreciate any reviews etc :)**

 **As far as this story goes, the next chapter will be the confrontation between the Beckett's. There will then be another time jump and it won't be too long until the baby arrives! Once the baby is born this story will be wrapped up (after an epilogue) but there will be a sequel and a series of oneshots that show the important moments of Rick and Kate's relationship before Lifeline started.**

 **Next chapter will be up within the next week.**

 **Thanks :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hello!**

 **A/N: Would you look at that...another update! As usual thank you so much for your reviews, favourites and follows! It means the world. It's so nice to know that so many of you are enjoying this story. I'm really enjoying writing it.**

 **This chapter continues right where the last one ended.**

 **Disclaimer: I wish I owned something as cool as Castle.**

* * *

 **Chapter 10**

Kate hesitated slightly as she sat at the dining table next to Rick, and across from her Dad. It crossed her mind that the last time she had been this nervous to have a conversation was when she told her parents that was was pregnant. It felt like a lifetime ago now. Kate felt Rick's hand settle on her knee, and she placed her hand over his.

"So, what couldn't wait until a reasonable time of day?" She questioned, looking up from her lap to meet her father's eyes. When she looked at him she felt sad. He was a shadow of the man he had been mere months ago and it broke her heart. The man sitting in front of her was not the man she had loved and trusted as she had grown up - not anymore.

"I just wanted to…" Jim's voice trailed off and he was unable to finish his sentence. He looked at his clasped hands on the dining table, avoiding the gaze of his daughter. "I wanted to apologise."

"To me? Or to Rick?" Kate scoffed.

"Both of you. Things got out of hand the other day, and I am sorry."

"Out of hand? Dad, Rick ended up in the hospital. You almost hit me. I'd say thats more than out of hand."

"I know." He replied, "I know that, and I really am sorry."

"I'm not sure that's enough," she cried. "How am I supposed to trust you around the baby? I can't say absolutely anymore that I know you wouldn't hurt me - or even her." She cradled her bump as she spoked, stroking her fingers over her skin.

"Come on Katie, don't say that." He ran his hand over his face and looked at her. Kate felt like for the first time since her Mom's death, her Dad was finally looking at her properly. He could finally see the toll the last several months had taken on his daughter. "It won't happen again. I promise."

"You can't promise that if you keep drinking."

"I've told you before, it's not a problem. I can stop anytime." He implored.

"Really?" She asked, "So you haven't had a drink today?" The aversion of his gaze was the only answer she needed. "I can't do this anymore, Dad. I don't have the strength to watch you do this to yourself." Rick squeezed her knee again in an attempt to show his support.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I will - no _we_ will - help you get the help you need, but if you keep insisting you don't have a problem I don't think I can continue to be a part of this." Kate could feel tears burning in the back of her eyes but she tried to keep them at bay. "I need to be strong for my daughter. Something you haven't been able to do." She knew it was a low blow but Kate felt it had to be said. Despite what had happened he still didn't seem to understand the pain he had caused.

"Well if that's how you really feel, I guess I should leave." He stood quickly and nearly lost his balance, indicating that whatever he had drunk before arriving was more than just a glass or two of whiskey.

"Seriously? You're just going to go?" She asked, the shock in her voice very clear.

"I won't be patronised by my own daughter. I don't have a problem, Katie. I just like a drink or two at the end of the day."

"Dad, please, you have to listen to me." She implored him to listen.

"I have listened to you, and you want me to go."

"That's not what she said, Jim." Rick interrupted. He stood too, groaning slightly as the sudden movement made his already sore head swim.

"This is a family matter. Stay out of it." Jim responded.

"Kate is my family." Rick felt Kate's hand on his arm, and he looked down to where she was still sat at the table.

"Please, Rick. Don't." She begged. Jim seemingly ignored his daughter's input and he walked the couple of steps around the table to get closer to Rick.

"I wish she'd never met you at that damn party when she was in high school. Not only have you ruined her life by getting her pregnant, but you've ruined mine too."

"Dad-" Kate started fiercely, standing up herself, but she was interrupted by Jim.

"She was meeting us at a restaurant you chose. She could still be here if it wasn't for you." He yelled in Rick's face.

"That's not true." Kate argued, "The alley where she was found was no where near the restaurant. It's not Rick's fault. And I'm so glad I met him. If Rick wasn't here, and it was just you and me in this together. I'd have no one." She wiped a stray tear off her cheek, "You've barely looked at me since she died."

Rick looked between the father and daughter as the room fell into silence. They were so broken - each in their own way. Kate had just about held herself together in the months since Johanna had died and he was proud of her for it. He knew she had tough days, and she had even mentioned to him that without him around, and without the baby, she would have probably fallen into oblivion. Jim was broken completely. Rick hoped that in the future if, God forbid, anything happened to Kate he would be able to hold himself together for his child.

"Look," Rick said looking back and forth between the two Beckett's who were both as stubborn as each other, "It's really late. Why don't we try and talk properly in the morning." Kate nodded, and smiled at him gratefully for intervening.

"No. I think it's fair to say everything has been said." Jim replied.

"What?" Kate said, her voice cracking as she spoke.

"I'll go." He said angrily as he walked towards the front door. He opened the door and turned back to Kate. "Don't come to me when this all ends badly." He slammed the door behind him leaving Rick and Kate stood next to each other in shock.

They stood in silence for a moment until a loud sob from Kate reverberated throughout the apartment. Rick quickly pulled her into a hug, and ran his hands up and down her back as she cried into his shoulder.

"He just left." She cried.

"I know, we'll go over tomorrow. We can fix this." He soothed.

"I don't know if I want do." She sniffed as she pulled back from him and looked at him properly, "I don't want him around Regan if he's like that. I don't think I even want him around us."

"Let's not make any hasty decisions now. We'll go back to bed and figure it out in the morning. Ok?" He smiled at her and wiped a tear from her cheek.

"Ok."

* * *

"So you're definitely going to send him the letter?" Rick asked as they had lunch the following day.

"Yeah. I don't want to talk to him again, not after last night, and this is the best way to get across how I feel." She laid the letter on the table in front of her and passed it over to Rick. "Do you want to read it?"

"Already did." He replied.

"And?"

"I think it says all you need to say." He stood from the table and put their dishes on the side near the sink. He watched as Kate put the letter in the envelope and wrote _Dad_ on the front. "I'll put it in his mailbox at your parent's building on my way to campus."

He was going for his last exam, Kate had implored him to tell the college about his injury but he had refused saying he still felt ok to continue. After a lot of promises that he would let someone know if his headache got too much under the fluorescent lighting in the class room, she had relented. Whilst he knew the bruises on his face would certainly raise a few eyebrows, he just wanted to get the exam out of the way.

"Thanks." She smiled at him.

Rick picked up his rucksack off the floor and walked over to where Kate was sat. He took the letter from her hand and kissed her quickly.

"You're definitely sure you want to do this?" He asked as he pulled away.

"Positive."

"Ok." He leant in and kissed her again, "I'll see you later." He walked towards the front door.

"Good luck, babe. I love you." She shouted after him.

"Love you too."

* * *

Rick hesitated as he stood in front of the Beckett's mailbox. He sighed as he looked at the envelope in his hands. He wanted nothing more than to fix the relationship between Kate and her father, but he knew that would never happen if Jim continued on the path he was on.

Rick placed the envelope in box and left the building.

* * *

 _Dear Dad,_

 _After last night I thought the best course of action would be to write to you. The last thing we need is another argument._

 _I love you, Dad. But you aren't the person you once were. I need to think about my family - Rick and our baby - for now and it seems like you can not be a part of that. It breaks my heart to have to do this, because I now feel like I've lost both my parents, but I'm asking you to stay away._

 _I need you to keep a distance from us until you can at least admit you have a problem. As soon as you can admit that to yourself we will be more than willing to help you. Rick even offered to pay for rehab out of the first pay check he'll get once his books hit the shelves next month. He's offering to help you even whilst recovering from a head injury you caused him. He's always been a much better man than you have given him credit for._

 _So please, stay away until you can recognise you need help. As soon as you do come see me._

 _By the way, we're naming your grand-daughter Regan Johanna Castle. It occurred to me this morning that you never asked. Please get better for her, for me and for Mom. She wouldn't want this for us._

 _Love,_

 _Katie._

* * *

 **Please let me know what you think! I know Jim is out of character here, but on the show we've only ever known him on the other side of his alcoholism. I know from personal experience with family members that alcohol can make people very different. So I hope you can see what I'm trying to do here.**

 **Next chapter will be the launch of Rick's book, his first ever book signing and skipping forward to his graduation ceremony.**

 **I'd say there are probably 3 - 4 chapters left of this now including an epilogue. I'll then get working on the sequel and the prequel (which as I've said before will be a series of oneshots.)**

 **As per, reviews mean the world to me.**

 **I hope you all have a wonderful New Year.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hello!**

 **Firstly, so sorry for the delay in this chapter! It was giving me a bit of grief, so I didn't want to post it until I was happy with it.**

 **As per usual - thank you so much for the reviews. It means a lot to know that this little plot that wouldn't leave my head is being enjoyed by other people.**

 **Disclaimer: All I own are the DVDs and the ability to tease my friends who are two seasons behind me with spoilers.**

* * *

 **Chapter 11**

Kate was nervous. Rick was at a meeting with his publisher finding out how his book was selling after being out for a few weeks. He had received general figures - and things were looking good - but Kate was still worried. They needed the money from the book sales, the small advance he had received had been eaten up by his own hospital bills from the previous month, and she did not want to have to go to Martha for money.

To distract herself she had pulled most of the baby's clothes out of the nursery and was re-organising them for the second time that week. Rick had made fun of her the last time she had done it and told her she was nesting so she hoped to finish her task before he got home. Kate smiled to herself as she folded the tiny onesies they had for their daughter. Her due date was now less than two weeks away and she was excited to meet her baby, although terrified at the prospect of becoming a mother.

Kate had not heard from her dad since Rick had delivered the letter a month ago. A part of her was relieved that he had seemingly listened to what she wanted, but most of her was afraid of what the radio silence meant. He had chosen alcohol over what remained of his family. There were several times a day when Kate almost called him but she stopped herself. She knew she had made the right decision.

She had lost her mother to murder, and her father to her mother's memory. It broke her heart but she knew it was something that she would have to learn to live with for the sake of her daughter and Rick. They needed her to keep going.

Kate was broken out of her train of thought by a knock on the front door. She groaned as she stood, having to use the arm of the couch to push herself up. Her bump had dropped the week before, and whilst she was relieved she could now breath a little bit easier it made moving around all the more difficult. She opened the door to find Martha stood on the other side.

"Katherine, just look at you! I swear that belly of yours gets bigger each time I see you." Martha stated with her normal amount of flair.

"Yeah," Kate laughed as she stood back allowing Martha into the apartment, "It feels like she's getting bigger by the hour at the moment." She joked as she ran her hand over bump. Martha looked questioningly around the apartment as she saw the baby clothes all over the couch and arm chair. Kate looked sheepishly at her, almost embarrassed at being caught sorting through the clothes yet again. "I was just sorting it all out. Again."

"Don't be embarrassed, dear. I can't tell you the number of times I re-arrange Richard's things before he was born. There is something oddly calming about it." She assured the younger woman as she moved some of the clothing to sit down. Kate did the same, her back had been causing her more pain than she was used to since the early hours of the morning, and she sat next to Martha. "I'll help you sort it all out before Richard gets home though so he can't gloat about anything."

"Thank you," Kate sighed with relief, "He wouldn't let it go last time."

"Now, you are probably wondering what prompted this unplanned visit." Martha said as she reached into her oversized purse. She pulled out a medium sized package and passed it to Kate.

"What's this?" She questioned as she opened the present. She pulled a frame out of the wrapping and smiled as she saw the photo it held. It had been taken at Rick's graduation ceremony a fortnight beforehand. Martha had taken dozens of photos that day, most of which would have been similar to the one Kate now held in her hand.

In the picture she was stood next to Rick, who was in his cap and gown, in a long sleeved empire lined purple dress which accentuated her bump. Martha had made them stand together after the ceremony for what had felt like an age at the time to Kate and her sore feet. The photo itself was not one of the ones they posed for, it was instead a candid one which Martha had clearly taken without either Kate or Rick being aware of. Kate had her head turned towards Rick and she was smiling widely at him, Rick however was looking down at her bump where his hand laid over hers. His mouth was open, like he was saying something, and Kate was sure this must have been taken when he had commented that Regan was clearly congratulating him too. She had been very active that day, giving Kate no reprieve throughout the entire ceremony. It was a beautiful photo.

"The photos came back yesterday and as soon as I saw this one I thought it was breathtaking. I went to get a frame this morning for you and thought I'd bring it over."

"Thank you, Martha. I love it." She looked up from the photo and smiled at the woman next to her.

Whilst she might be trying to navigate motherhood without either of her parents to help her, at least she had Martha to help her. When her relationship with Rick had first become serious, which had been fairly quickly, she found Martha quite flighty. Rick was often home alone, and whilst he had been an adult at the time she often mistook Martha's attitude towards her son as blasé. It took her a while to realise that the dramatic red head showed love very differently than her own parents did but it did not mean she loved any less fiercely. As it stood, Martha was the only mother figure she had left and she was incredibly grateful for her.

"Have you given what you are going to do after the baby is born any further thought?" Martha asked.

"A little. Not a lot to be honest. It depends on how Rick's book sales go mostly." She placed the photo on the small table next to the couch and turned back to Martha. "I've thought about going back to college next semester but I don't know if that is what I really want to do or if it's what I think I should do."

"Well you have to do what you want to do, Katherine. You can't live your life for someone else."

"Yeah, I know." Kate looked down and worried her lip between her teeth. Martha clearly sense her hesitation and took one of her hands. Kate looked up at her and smiled, although it did not reach her eyes. "I just don't want to let anyone down. Mom was so proud when I went to college and I can't help but think I'd be disappointing her if I didn't."

"I can assure you that you won't be letting anyone down." Martha soothed. "The way you've handled everything that the world has thrown at you recently shows how strong you are. I for one am very proud of you." She exclaimed as she squeezed Kate's hand.

"Thank you."

"Let me give you a little unsolicited advice. Just do what your heart tells you, and you won't go wrong."

Despite everything, Kate couldn't help but feel very lucky in that moment.

* * *

"Kate!" Rick called out as he entered the apartment. He walked further into the living room and saw no sign of his girlfriend. "Kate." He called again. He walked into the bedroom and smiled when he saw her sleeping on the bed. She was on top of the covers, she had been complaining recently about the temperatures despite it still being May, so often slept without the sheets on her side of the bed. He laid on the bed next to her and pressed a quick kiss to her forehead.

"Kate, sweetheart you need to wake up." He whispered, gently running his hand up and down her arm. She started to stir slightly, groaning loudly as she shifted towards him.

"Rick?" She slurred.

"Yeah, babe it's me. You expecting anyone else?"

"My other boyfriend comes over sometimes," She joked, "I was just checking I had the right one here."

"Funny." He quipped back, he helped her up into a sitting position on the bed and sat up himself. "So, do you want to know how the meetings went?" He asked.

"Oh god, sorry. Of course!" She suddenly seemed to remember why he had been out for the majority of the afternoon. "What did they say? Were the preliminary figures right?"

"It looks good Kate. Really good." He put a hand on her belly and rubbed small circles over her shirt. "They said that if it carries on selling the way it has been it should make the New York Best Sellers list next month. If it does they will extend the contract for another book. "

"What? That's amazing." She leant forward and kissed him firmly. "I'm so proud of you." She whispered against his lips.

She was relieved about a lot of things. Mostly though she was happy that their money problems would be solved in the short term at least, and that her boyfriends dreams were coming true.

"You are sharing a bed with a best selling author." He quipped wiggling his eyebrows at her.

"Potential best selling author." She teased. She leant in for another kiss, claiming his lips with her own.

"Still better than your other boyfriend though." He replied in between kisses.

"Rick," She pulled away slightly and started to unbutton his shirt. "Shut up and kiss me, or you won't be getting lucky tonight - best selling author or not."

He did as he was told.

* * *

Kate couldn't sleep. Again. She scowled at the clock and pushed herself out of bed, the need for the toilet calling for her again. She grabbed Rick's shirt from the end of the bed and pulled it on as she walked to their ensuite. She couldn't do it up around her belly, but it shielded her from the slight chill of their bathroom. Kate groaned as she put her hand to her back, the pain she had been feeling all afternoon seemingly getting worse.

"Please give Mommy a break, baby." She whispered. "I need to get some sleep before you get here."

Kate gripped the side of the bathroom counter as the pain rippled right across her belly. The pain took her breath away, and it suddenly occurred to her what was happening.

"No no no." She repeated to herself. "Not yet. Its not time yet." As if in someway her daughter was mocking her, as soon as she finished her sentence she felt a gush of liquid between her legs. "Oh God." She whimpered. "Rick!" She shouted.

Kate heard him jump up from the bed, and she was glad that he clearly had not been sleeping deeply.

"Kate?" Came his panicked reply from the doorway of the ensuite. He turned the light on, something which she had failed to do in the few minutes she had been in the bathroom, and he seemed taken aback by the sight of his girlfriend stood, mostly naked, clinging to the counter over a puddle on the floor. "Oh my God."

"My sentiments exactly."

"You're in labor."

"You think?" She retorted. She looked at him and if it wasn't for the situation the look of panic on his face, combined with the fact he was butt naked, would have made her laugh. "Now help me into the bedroom so we can both put some clothes on and head to the hospital." He did as he was told and guided her to sit down on their bed.

"When did contractions start?" He asked, seemingly a bit calmer than he had been seconds beforehand.

"I think I must have been having them most of the afternoon. I've had terrible twinges in my back since lunch time." She explained. He passed her one of her maternity tops and a pair of leggings, which she took, before he went on to dress himself. Kate dressed herself as she watched Rick disappear into the nursery for a minute before reappearing with the hospital bag.

"Shit." Kate grit out between her teeth as another contraction started. Rick sat next to her on the bed and grabbed her hands to try and talk her through it. He tried his best not to flinch when she gripped his hands very tightly. "What if something is wrong?" She worried. "She's not due for another 12 days."

"Everything will be fine," He soothed. "Remember the doctor said that she could some any time now." He ran his hand over her back as she worked her way through the contraction. He could tell it had come to an end as she released his hand in-between hers slightly. "So thats about 7 minutes between contractions right?

"I think so." She breathed out.

"Think we can make it to the car before the next one?"

"I think so." She repeated, not confident she was capable of anything else at the moment.

Rick stood from the bed and walked over to grab her shoes from the corner of the room. He bent down and helped her get them on. Once he had tied the laces he knelt so he was face to face with her.

"Hey," He started, moving his hands to her face to make sure she was looking at him. "Lets go have a baby." He smiled.

"Lets go have a baby." She whispered back, the awe in her voice unmistakable. She leant forward and kissed him gently. He pulled back from the kiss and stood up, this time helping her to do the same. He grabbed the bag he had dumped on the bed and led her out of the bedroom.

It took him until he was in the parking garage to realise he had forgotten his own shoes.

* * *

 **Oh look at that! Regan is on her way!**

 **I love writing the scenes between Martha and Kate. Whilst I know it's not the same as having her own Mom, I want to portray how important the relationship is to Kate - just like it is in the show itself.**

 **I hope no one is too disappointed with the way I've handled the Jim thing either. I have plans for that which will make themselves known in the sequel to this story.**

 **As per usual I would appreciate your thoughts/reviews. I promise that the next chapter won't be another 3 week wait. That would be quite mean of me given the way I've ended this one.**

 **Until next time,**

 **xx**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hi!**

 **Firstly, I am so sorry for the delay in this chapter being posted. Real life stuff got in the way!**

 **As per thank you so much for all of the reviews etc.**

 **I've decided to split Regan's entrance to the world into two chapters. I've also put a couple of flashbacks in this chapter - they are in italics. (Edit: the italics currently appear to be showing on the desktop version...but not on the mobile version of the site. So to avoid any confusions the flashbacks are the first and last scene.)**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

 **Enjoy :)**

* * *

 **Chapter 12**

 _"How long has it been?"_

 _"20 seconds since you last asked."_

 _"Rick." She replied firmly._

 _"Sorry. About a minute and a half so far." He answered checking his watch. He looked at his girlfriend who was sat next to him on the edge of their bed. She had her right thumbnail stuck in-between her teeth - her usual tell for when she was nervous. He remembered her doing it when they told her parents of their plans to live together, and before she walked across the stage at her high school graduation. This trumped it all._

 _"What are we going to do if it's positive?" She asked quietly, turning her head to meet her boyfriends gaze. He opened his mouth to answer, but before he could get his first word out she continued. "We're both in college - I mean I've only just started. This wasn't the plan." She groaned and put her head in her hands. "My Dad is going to kill you."_

 _"Kate, whatever the test says, and whatever you decide you want to do I'll support you." He grabbed her hands from in front of her face and held them in his own. "And maybe if it is positive we should emigrate so I don't have to face your Dad?" He joked. She laughed, which is what he had been hoping for, and turned to look at him again._

 _"It's not just my choice though." She said quietly, "If it is positive, and I am pregnant, it's your baby too. I don't want to do something you aren't comfortable with."_

 _"Then we'll decide together." He pulled her towards him so her head laid on his shoulder. They sat in silence for a few more moments before he spoke again. "It's been three minutes now."_

 _"Oh god, I can't look. Can you do it?"_

 _"Of course." He dropped a kiss to her head and got up off the edge of the bed. He took the few steps to the dresser where she had put the pregnancy test when she had left the bathroom a few minutes ago. He picked it up and sucked in a breath when he saw two lines looking back up at him._

 _"Rick?" Her voice pulled her out of his temporary haze. He turned to look at her, and he knew his facial expression gave it away. "It's positive?" He nodded in response._

 _The timing was terrible. They'd only been living together a few months. They were both young and in college. Her dad hated him. Despite all that, he was happy. The feeling was blooming quickly in his stomach, and if the look on his girlfriends face was anything to go by - she felt the same way. They had a lot to talk about, but in that moment they were both sure they could make this work._

* * *

During the first proper conversation Kate had with her mother regarding labour she remembered thinking that the older woman was overreacting. It had been the day after she had told her parents that she was pregnant, when the argument at the Beckett's apartment had led to her leaving very abruptly on her 19th birthday. It now struck Kate that, if anything, her mother had done the exact opposite.

"God this hurts." She grit out between her teeth, gripping onto her boyfriends hand for dear life through the contraction. They had arrived at the hospital about an hour before and were now in the labor and delivery suite. She was only three centimetres dilated but was in active labor. The contraction subsided and she loosened her grip on Rick's hand, but she didn't let go entirely.

 _"_ _It's all worth it when you get to hold your baby, Katie."_

Her mothers words resonated in her head as she looked at her boyfriend and smiled.

"Sorry if I hurt your hand."

"Don't apologise Kate. I know for a fact what you are going through is worse." He lifted their joint hands to his lips and kissed hers. "Although maybe try not to break it? I'd quite like to have it fully functioning when I hold our daughter for the first time."

"Deal." Kate responded as she barked out a laugh. She leant forward and kissed him gently. "I can't believe she's going to be here soon. We're going to be parents."

"I know. Why do I suddenly feel so under prepared?"

* * *

"Have you called your Mom?" Kate asked as the midwife settled her back into the bed. She had just had her epidural administered and, quite frankly, could not wait until it kicked in. They had been at the hospital for hours now, and she had made steady progress with her labor. Despite her original protestations at having the epidural she had changed her mind quite quickly after arriving at the hospital. It had only just struck her that Martha should probably know what was going on.

"Yeah, I called her an hour or so ago when I went to the bathroom. I thought it was best to wait until it was a reasonable hour so I didn't disturb Mother's beauty sleep." He settled back on the edge of her bed as the midwife left the room. "She wanted to come but I told her I'd call when we were ready. I know you want it to be just us when she makes her grand debut." He quipped as he ran his hand over her bump.

"She didn't mind?" Kate asked. She loved Martha, she really did, but the only other person she would have wanted in the room other than Rick was her own mother, which obviously was not an option.

"Of course she didn't." He promised.

* * *

"Oh look you're having one right now!" He exclaimed pointing to the machine that measured the contractions. He moved his hands to her belly and marvelled at the firmness of it whilst the contraction was taking place. "Can you really not feel it?"

"No, not like before." She placed her hand over his. "I am trying to nap though so you pointing them out every time isn't really helping with that." She quipped.

"Sorry." He replied guiltily, trying to move his hands away. She held them down with her own.

"Don't be sorry. Never apologise for how much you love our daughter. You've been amazing and she's not even here yet."

"I love you both." He leant forward and kissed her lips gently.

"We love you too."

* * *

"Rick, get the midwife."

"Why? What's wrong?" He instantly panicked, standing up so quickly he almost fell right back over again.

"I can feel pressure, like I need to push. I think." She answered, attempting to pull herself up in the bed a little, but failing due to being numb below the waist.

"Ok, I'll be right back." He left the room in a rush, not even closing the door behind him.

"Daddy's an idiot, baby. But we love him anyway." She whispered to her bump, groaning as the pressure she was feeling increased again.

A minute later Rick came back in with the midwife, and he stood next to Kate grabbing her hand.

"Kate, Rick said you're feeling pressure?" The midwife inquired as she settled herself at the end of the bed ready to examine Kate.

"Yeah, it just suddenly came on." She explained. They sat in silence for a few moments as the midwife examined her.

"You are 10 centimetres dilated." She stated as she stood up. "I'll get my colleague quickly, and then we can get this baby out of you." The midwife smiled at the young couple before she turned to briefly leave the room.

"You ready?" Rick asked Kate, squeezing her hand in his.

"It's a bit late for that question, babe."

* * *

 _Kate smiled as she saw her Mom walk through the corridor of the hospital. She stood and enveloped her in a hug. Rick stood up next to her and hugged Johanna once his girlfriend had done so._

 _"Mom! I'm glad you could make it." She exclaimed._

 _"Of course I made it Katie, I wouldn't miss the opportunity to see my grandchild for the first time." She placed her hand on her daughter's small bump._

 _"I'm so excited to see the baby again." Kate said as she sat back down. Her boyfriend on one side of her and her mother on the other. They sat and talked for a while until Kate's name was called by the midwife._

 _Johanna waited outside as they went through the preliminary checks before the ultrasound. It was strange for her to take a back seat in her daughters life. She had always been the first person Kate had gone to when she was sick or needed advise. Well, she had been until Rick had come along. Since then she had happily taken second place to her daughter's boyfriend. Unlike her husband Johanna was sure that Rick was the one for their little girl._

 _"Mrs Beckett?" She looked up to see the midwife stood at the door of the room she had led Kate and Rick into 10 minutes beforehand. "You can come in now." Johanna smiled and followed her in._

 _A few minutes later the grainy image of her grandchild appeared on the screen in front of her._

 _"Oh Katie," She sighed, tears falling down her face. "The baby is beautiful."_

 _"Mom," Kate giggled, tears in her own eyes, "You can't even see it's face!"_

 _"A grandmother can tell." Johanna responded. "Are you sure you don't want to find out if baby is a boy or girl. I have a bet with Martha."_

 _"We're sure." Kate smiled at Rick, who nodded in agreement. "We want it to be a surprise."_

 _The midwife pointed out the heartbeat on the monitor, and played the sound to the three awestruck people in the room with her. After a few more minutes the midwife left to collect the photos they had printed - Johanna insisting she needed a new one to use for bragging rights at the office - and Rick stepped out of the room, sensing that the mother and daughter needed a moment to themselves._

 _"I still can't believe you're going to be a mom, Katie." Johanna said, some awe still in her voice. She was still sat next to the bed Kate had been lying in, although Kate was now sat up in the bed having wiped the ultrasound gel off her stomach._

 _"Me neither. It's scary and exciting at the same time. I never saw myself becoming a mom so young." She admitted._

 _"But you're happy?" Johanna questioned._

 _"Very happy." She confirmed, smiling at her mother. "I just wish Dad would come around to the idea of it."_

 _"He will do, Katie. He's just struggling with the idea of you growing up so quickly. You'll get it when this little one is grown up." She joked as she patted Kate on the stomach._

 _"God, Mom. At least let me give birth to the baby before you send it off to college." She retorted as she stood up off of the bed. The midwife came back in and gave them the photos, instructing Kate to book in for her next appointment at the front desk. The mother and daughter left the small hospital room, but as the door shut behind them Johanna pulled Kate into a hug._

 _"You're going to be a fantastic mom, Katie." She whispered in her ear._

 _"How can you be so sure?" Kate whispered back, tightening her hug on her mother. Johanna pulled back and pushed some stray hair that had fallen in front of Kate's face behind her ear._

 _"Because you already are."_

* * *

 **And there you have it! I felt like the scene with Johanna was important here. And if you think any emotion regarding her not being around whilst Kate is in labor worry not - that is coming.**

 **I've started working on ideas for the sequel to this which will only be a few chapters - but set a few years in the future - as well as a series of oneshots about of Kate and Rick's relationship in this universe and a few scenes that are missing from this story.**

 **This story only has 2 chapters left and an epilogue.**

 **As always - please review.**

 **x**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hi,**

 **As per usual I am SO sorry for the delay in my response. My life has been insane recently, so unfortunately this has taken a back seat.**

 **Good news is - Regan makes her grand debut in this chapter.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing...I mean I've been laid off so soon enough I might literally own nothing!**

* * *

 **Chapter 13**

"She's so small." Kate whispered trying not to wake the baby in her arms. Rick was sat on the edge of her bed, looking over her shoulder at the little girl who was bundled up in his girlfriends arms. His chest was pressed up against Kate's back, supporting her body weight with his own.

Weighing six pounds exactly, Regan Johanna Castle had entered the world two hours ago screaming at the top of her lungs. In the time that had passed since the nurses left the family of three to bond alone Kate and Rick had mainly stared at the baby girl and they were taking it in turns holding her.

"She's beautiful. Like her mother." Rick whispered back. Kate rolled her eyes and turned her head to look at him over her shoulder.

"Normally I'd tell you off for using a line like that on me, but I'm exhausted so I'll let it pass." She chuckled slightly and leaned in to kiss him briefly on the lips. When she pulled back she leant her forehead on his cheek. "Oh God. I'm someones Mom."

"Has that only just occurred to you?" He asked teasingly.

"Shut up." She retorted, shifting her gaze back to the sleeping baby in her arms. "It's just so crazy that she's here now." Kate moved one of her hands to smooth her finger over Regan's cheek. "So much has changed since we found out we were having her." She said quietly, so quietly Rick was sure he wasn't meant to have heard.

"Kate-"

"Have you called your Mom? Visiting hours have started now so she could come by for a bit." She was pointedly looking at the baby now, clearly avoiding his concerned gaze. Regan started to fuss, shifting slightly in Kate's arms as her eyes opened.

"No I haven't. I could go call her now?" He asked, smiling as his daughter looked up at them through bleary eyes.

"Yeah. Then on your way back bring the nurse with you, it's probably time to try and get her to eat again." She finally turned to look at him, a nervous smile on her face. About an hour after she had been born Regan had started to root at Kate's chest but refused to latch on. The nurse had assured Kate that it was not a problem and that they could try again later.

"As you wish." He responded, kissing her on the forehead before getting up off the bed. He then leant down to kiss Regan too before leaving the room. Kate watched him leave before turning her attention back to her daughter.

* * *

Watching Martha hold her granddaughter for the first time, and fuss over how small she was, was almost too much for Kate to bear. She gripped the sheet draped over her up to her waist tightly in her hands and closed her eyes willing the tears to go away. Rick seemed to sense the change in her demeanour, and he walked over to were his mother was sat talking nonsense to the dosing child in her arms.

"Can I steal her back from you, Mother? I think theres a little separation anxiety going on over there." He threw a look over his shoulder at Kate, and he had never been more thankful for how observational his mother was. A look of understanding washed over her face and she passed the baby back to her son before standing up. Rick walked the few paces back to the bed, smiling down at his daughter as he did.

"Kate?" He said softly to get her attention. She had seemingly missed the small exchange between mother and son and looked opened her eyes to look at him. Her unshed tears were still in present in her eyes, but the smile that adorned her face as he passed Regan back to her was genuine.

"Well, darlings. I think I'll leave you to it." Martha exclaimed with her usual flare toned down a little. "Call me when you are allowed to go home and I'll come over to help you settle in." She walked over to the bed and pressed a kiss to her sons cheek, and she did the same with Kate. Martha left the room, but before she closed the door behind her she took a small step back in. "I'm very proud of both of you." She said as she smiled, finally exiting before either of them could respond.

"I think thats the first time she ever said that to me." Rick joked, "Who would have thought-"

"Rick." His girlfriends chocked voice interrupted the remainder of his quip. He turned to look at her and his face fell when he saw the look of devastation on her face. For a brief moment he was reminded of that fateful day back in January when he had helped her into her childhood bedroom after finding out her mother had been murdered. He had known this was coming, her breaking down over the fact that Johanna could never meet her granddaughter. He had known it was coming but that didn't stop his own heart breaking at the sight of his girlfriend crying holding their own baby in her arms.

"Oh Kate." He strode back over to the bed and sat on the edge of the bed facing her. He pulled her into a hug as best as he could given the position they were in. They sat for a few minutes, her crying into his shoulder and him running his hand up and down her back before he pulled away from her slightly. "Here, give her to me." He said softly.

Kate hesitated for a second, before relenting and transferring Regan into his arms. He stood up gently and placed the baby into the plastic crib next to the bed. Once he was satisfied she was comfortable he turned his attention back to Kate and walked round to the other side of the bed.

"Let me help you move." He said gently as he sat on the bed next to her. He placed his arm around her waist and with her assistance he moved her slightly sideways on the bed to allow himself some more room. Her legs were still a little numb from the epidural, and combined with her exhaustion she lacked the grace she normally had. Once she was comfortable he sat next to her on the bed, swinging his own legs up so he could settle next to her easier.

She wrapped both her hands around his arm that was closest to her, and she held on tightly. She turned her face into his shoulder and cried into the fabric of his shirt. He pressed his lips to the top of her head and wrapped his free arm around her.

"I wondered when it would hit you." He mumbled into her hair.

"She'll never get to meet her." She sobbed, her voice fracturing around her words. "Watching your Mom with her was amazing, but it also hurt so much I almost forgot to breathe."

"I know, sweetheart. I wish I could make it better."

"I just wish she could be here. She should have been here." She moved her head and looked up at him. "I just want my Mom, Rick."

He had no words that could make her feel better, so he stayed quiet. He pulled her in closer and hoped she knew how much she was loved.

* * *

They were allowed to go home the following day. Kate had grumbled at having to leave the hospital in a wheelchair, but smiled at him as she climbed into the back of their car so she could sit next to Regan in her car seat for her first ever journey.

She barely even made any fun of him for how slowly he drove them back to their apartment, her own protectiveness over the baby next to her almost making her want him to slow down at certain points.

They arrived back at the apartment building, and he organised getting the baby seat out of the car whilst she got out herself. She winced as she stood up, and smirked at the worried look on his face.

"I'm fine - I promise. It's just the stitches." She held back a laugh as she watched him throw her overnight bag from the hospital over his shoulder whilst holding the car seat. "I can carry something you know."

"You had a baby yesterday morning, as soon as we get to the apartment you get to sit down and do nothing for as long as you want."

"Nothing except feed her every couple of hours?" She teased as they moved towards the elevator together.

"To be fair, I lack two very important things that prevent me from doing that." He waggled his eyebrows at her.

"Don't be gross in front of the baby." She responded, hitting him teasingly on the arm as she pressed the button for their floor.

* * *

It took them almost twenty minutes to make it from the elevator to their apartment because they happened to run into the old lady two lives two doors down. Mrs Clarkson had fawned over Regan and told them how beautiful she was. Whilst the comments made Kate feel very proud, she desperately wanted to sit down on her couch and maybe nap before Regan needed feeding again.

She was so relieved by the time she walked over the threshold to her home she almost forgot this was their first time bringing Regan home. Rick, as her, saved the moment for her.

"Welcome home, Regan." He said to the baby, who was actually sleeping and missing the moment entirely. He dumped the hospital bag near the door and walked over to the dining table where he set the car seat down. He unstrapped her and removed the blanket they had secured over her earlier. He picked her up and held her in the crook of his arm.

Kate watched it all from a few feet away, and wondered to herself how Rick could be such a natural at this already. Her thoughts were interrupted by him reaching out for her and beckoning her to stand with him. Not having to be asked twice, Kate walked over and tucked herself into his spare arm. She looked down at Regan and smiled.

"Welcome home, Regan." She whispered, and for the first time since her Mom died the tears in her eyes were happy ones.

* * *

 **So there you have it! I wanted it to be fluffy, but also have the hint that Johanna was missing. I know there is no mention of Jim in this chapter, but that is due to come.**

 **There will be two chapters of this left and an epilogue.**

 **As per, please review :)**

 **Thanks,**

 **xx**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hi everyone!**

 **Firstly, I would like to apologise for my absence! Life has been pretty crazy. I've moved more than halfway across the country and started a new job - all whilst undergoing long-term medical treatment. But hey-ho...who needs boring? So I am so sorry for the delay in this.**

 **Secondly, I'm still quite sad that Castle is over, but please it finished whilst I was still enjoying it. If that makes sense? I would never have ben handle watching it without Stana, so I'm glad the ABC god's cancelled it. I remember the day it was announced it was cancelled and my friend and I who both love it actually celebrated. Sad times!**

 **This is quite a short chapter, but there will be more following soon. Very soon! And I'll also be updating my other AU dic 'Piece by Piece.'**

 **Recap: After Johanna's death, a young and pregnant Kate made the decision to step away from her fragmented relationship with her father. In the last chapter, baby Regan made her appearance and brought with her Kate's feelings about missing her own mother.**

* * *

At four weeks old, Regan Castle apparently hated everything to do with sleeping. Kate was convinced of it. The only place the baby would happily sleep is in the arms of one of her parents, so they took it in turns so they could each get some sleep in between feeds. Kate loved her daughter, more than she ever thought possible, but she would do just about anything for more than 3 hours sleep at a time.

Rick had quipped that they were like the walking dead, and despite her initial chagrin at the statement she had to agree with them. Kate had always prided herself on managing to function on little sleep, and often did when she used to sneak home from Rick's place back when she was in High School in the early hours of the morning. She remembered the look her mother would give her across the table at breakfast just a few hours later, indicating she hadn't been anywhere as sneaky as she had hoped.

This was different though. Lack of sleep caused by the colicky baby currently fussing in her arms was far worse than missing her curfew by several hours because she was with her boyfriend.

"You're ok, baby girl." She whispered into Regan's hair, and her only response was a pitiful cry. She walked around the tiny apartment for what felt like the hundredth time and she rocked Regan as she sent. "I just wish you could tell me what's wrong sweetheart." She spent another five minutes repeating the hopefully soothing motion, and felt a sense of relief when she realised the baby had drifted off to sleep.

Kate walked slowly, and gently towards the bedroom where they currently kept the bassinet. They hadn't moved Regan into the nursery overnight yet. Kate was reluctant to do so, despite the room being so close to her and Rick's bedroom. She settled Regan down and walked out back to the living room as quietly as possible. She thought briefly about grabbing the monitor, but the apartment was so small she knew she'd hear crying wherever she was.

Just as she sat down on the sofa the door to the apartment opened to reveal Rick on the other side with her favourite take out in hand. He had left about 45 minutes ago to get the food because the place didn't deliver in their area. Her sweet, amazing boyfriend - who was just as exhausted as her - had offered to go pick it up for her just because she fancied it.

"The baby is sleeping." She whispered to him, her finger on her lips to indicate they needed to stay quiet.

"How did you manage that?" He whispered back closing the door behind him painfully slowly so it wouldn't make a noise. He walked over and sat next to her, placing the take out bag on the coffee table in front of them.

"I don't know really. I tried the same stuff as usual but it actually worked this time." She reached in the bag and grabbed her favourite dish and some chopsticks, whilst passing Rick some food and chopsticks of his own. "Now, lets eat this and go to bed. I'm exhausted and she won't sleep for long." She leaned back onto the sofa, and settled closer to him resting her shoulder against his. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"Yes Ma'am."

* * *

Kate was startled awake, and for once it wasn't the cries of her daughter that caused it. Apart from waking four hours ago to eat Regan had actually settled for once, and Rick and Kate were taking advantage of sleeping at the same time for what felt like the first time since their daughter was born. Kate pulled herself out of her boyfriends arms and sat up. It was then she realised she was woken up by her cellphone.

"Shit." She mumbled to herself, grabbing it off the bedside table in a futile attempt to answer it before Regan woke up. Unfortunately, due to the level of her exhaustion she was more clumsy than usual and Rick startled awake just as Regan began to cry. "Damn it." She exclaimed as she answered the phone. "Can you please get her, Rick?" She then left the room and turned her attention to the person who decided calling her at 1am was a great idea.

"Hi, Regan." Rick cooed as he leant over her bassinet and picked her up. He cradled her in his arms before settling back on the bed. "The nasty cell phone woke you up, huh?" Regan's cries subsided, but she still grizzled at her father and began to root slightly at his shirt. "Ah, well I can't help you there sweetpea. Once Mommy is off the phone she can." He offered her his little finger to suckle on in the meantime, which she took gladly.

He heard Kate out in the living room, but only caught on to the end of her conversation.

"No I understand," She said, in a manner that sounded defeated. "I'll be there as soon as I can." She hung up the call as she walked back into the room and sighed as she tossed the phone onto the bed. "Is she ok?" She asked quietly as she walked towards her small family. She sat on the edge of the bed next to Rick, and looked down at the baby in his arms.

"She's hungry. I think getting woken up reminded her she was late for her midnight snack." He explained as he passed the baby over to her. Kate adjusted her shirt and helped Regan latch on. He sat next to his girls for a moment in silence, relishing in the moment. Then his curiosity peaked. "What was that about? Must be important to call this time of day."

"It was an officer from the 9th precinct." She explained softly, she moved her eyes from Regan up to her boyfriend. "My Dad is currently under arrest and I'm listed as his contact still. They want me to go down and bail him out." She scoffed.

"Kate-"

"He's drunk of course. He was arrested for disorderly conduct and apparently almost hit the officer who arrested him." She ran her spare hand across the back of Rick's head, her fingers finding the scar left over by the incident with her father a few months ago. "We know what he's capable of in that effect."

"I'll come with you." He asserted as he grabbed her hand and linked their fingers, drawing their hands to his lap.

"No, babe, you need to stay here with Regan."

"We are coming with you."

"I can't take my one month old baby to a jail to pick up her drunk of a grandfather, Rick!" She cried, tears falling onto her cheeks.

"I don't want you going there alone. You haven't seen him since he was here just after I was in the hospital. I'd feel better if I was with you." His tone was firm, and she knew that she was not going to win this one. Kate adjusted her gaze down to Regan who had unlatched herself whilst her parent's were talking. Kate readjusted her clothing and lifted Regan to burp her.

"Fine." She mumbled. Standing up to grab a burp cloth from the pile on the bedside table.

"She won't remember it, Kate." He placated, getting up after her.

"No. But I will." She retorted sadly. "Get dressed, lets get this over with."

* * *

 **Like I said - very short! But the next chapter with seeing Jim again will be the last, and then there is an Epilogue. I'm still planning on writing a short sequel, and some oneshots based on this universe's Kate and Rick and their relationship. That is of course if you are interested. Let me know!**

 **Please review :)**

 **Thanks xx**


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